sliver
on The 80's by wilco
19 Aug 2004, 8:35 AM
I think I'm real close to what I wanted to be back then, except for the money of course.
"Burn the lands to dry barren earth
On which these dark seeds lay strewn."
If only the government would adopt a similar policy of ethnic fire bombing. Look at what Britain has become: Ethnic foods stain our cobbles, tainting the earth in vast swathes of brown; Ethnic smells pollute our parks and town squares, sullying our nostrils with the filth of distant, foreign lands; Ethnic wipes litter our streets and places of work - is it any wonder Gentlemen have taken to wearing gloves at all times? It's all decent, civilised people can do to keep from accidentally reaching for a teacup only to find you've picked up some monstrously soiled tow'lette instead. No Sir, this is not the land I once loved; a land in which all men were free to stroll through the gardens of St James, gay and carefree, unhampered by the constant, crippling fear that at any moment you could end up tredding on a giant upturned turban stuffed full of spicy sausage meats. -10-
Do you honestly think punctuation is for the artless? Is your brain actually thinking that right now? If so, then congratulations, because it is one of the stupidest thoughts ever. How is it possible to think something so bum-like without suddenly exploding in a giant shower of misplaced apostrophes? Punctuation, as any non-stupendously-idiotic person knows, is for clarifying meaning. The only people who think punctuation is for the artless, or that punctuation somehow imposes restrictions on their creativity, are people who are too thick to know how to use it. Instead of trying to defend your ignorance, you might consider doing something about it. Like, I don't know, learning how to punctuate?
I disagree I think that the rhyming adds to the psuedo whimsical nature of the poem it adds a sarcastic twinge. However I feel that If you want to go this route then perhaps you should go all the way. I would Like to see this as a sonnet. But then again I'm just naturally one for pervercity.
I dig the way it builds up each verse grows slightly more intense. With the word usage becomming of a more violent nature with each verse. Progression is an area I find myself somewhat weak in. I do so admire it in others work.
What needs to be said that you haven't my friend!
I can dig the feeling of this, but I have one criticism and it's a criticism I have made of myself in the past, the word pain is such an easy word to use and it comes very naturally however there is a tendancy to dismiss it. For me it's a red flag word. I suppose what I'm trying to say is it's better in my opinion to describe pain without using the word pain. Again jsut my opinion. Otherwise I can dig it.
Punctuation is for the artless - regret is for the dieing - continuity is for the longing and intensity is for the soul.
I thank you for your observation and thought,and I will amend this feeling/poem the best I can.
you define brilliance.
cabernet savenoign. My spell checker's broke and my head itches, guess I'll scratch
Not a single English error that I can see. Wish I could do as well in another language. A good message for poetry and probably comes through as such in your native tongue. English is a clumbsy thing.
*8* ^^ nice
WOW...*speechless* thats beautiful ^^ *10*
I really liked reading you poem.
I found this a quite interesting poem, I loved verse six.
I understand, please forgive me for that. English is not my mother language but I love it so much that I just have to try to write in English :)
The poem means a lot to me, it's about a very special person in my life.
Thanks for the vote by the way :)