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My Pain For You (Free verse) by Enchantres Pain is not just pain
It goes much deeper
I want to reach it
But I can't
I try, I try so hard
You want me to reach it, my pain
So badly
But then I see
A light, so beautiful
I want to forget
Forget you forever
Just like you forgot me
I cry, I cry so hard
My tears running
My pain, it is gone, vanished
A relief goes through my soul
The pain became a memory
Up the ladder:
The heart of a palm at a strip mall
Down the ladder:
Daddy's Little Girl
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.2
Posted: August 18, 2004 1:14 PM PDT; Last modified: August 18, 2004 1:14 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.1430435 Overall Rank: 5407 Comments:
[7]
Dovina @ 17.255.240.138
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18-Aug-04/4:35 PM
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Reply
Not a single English error that I can see. Wish I could do as well in another language. A good message for poetry and probably comes through as such in your native tongue. English is a clumbsy thing.
I can dig the feeling of this, but I have one criticism and it's a criticism I have made of myself in the past, the word pain is such an easy word to use and it comes very naturally however there is a tendancy to dismiss it. For me it's a red flag word. I suppose what I'm trying to say is it's better in my opinion to describe pain without using the word pain. Again jsut my opinion. Otherwise I can dig it.
I suppose what I'm trying to say is it's better in my opinion to describe suppose without using the word suppose. Again just my opinion.
Thank you for your honest critism, I certainly can do something with it in the future.
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