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My Pain For You (Free verse) by Enchantres
Pain is not just pain It goes much deeper I want to reach it But I can't I try, I try so hard You want me to reach it, my pain So badly But then I see A light, so beautiful I want to forget Forget you forever Just like you forgot me I cry, I cry so hard My tears running My pain, it is gone, vanished A relief goes through my soul The pain became a memory

Up the ladder: nuevo progreso
Down the ladder: Las Vegas

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.2
Weighted score: 5.1430435
Overall Rank: 5391
Posted: August 18, 2004 1:14 PM PDT; Last modified: August 18, 2004 1:14 PM PDT
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[7] Dovina @ | 18-Aug-04/4:35 PM | Reply
Not a single English error that I can see. Wish I could do as well in another language. A good message for poetry and probably comes through as such in your native tongue. English is a clumbsy thing.
[6] G-F @ | 19-Aug-04/12:31 AM | Reply
I can dig the feeling of this, but I have one criticism and it's a criticism I have made of myself in the past, the word pain is such an easy word to use and it comes very naturally however there is a tendancy to dismiss it. For me it's a red flag word. I suppose what I'm trying to say is it's better in my opinion to describe pain without using the word pain. Again jsut my opinion. Otherwise I can dig it.
[7] Dovina @ > G-F | 19-Aug-04/10:54 AM | Reply
I suppose what I'm trying to say is it's better in my opinion to describe suppose without using the word suppose. Again just my opinion.
[n/a] Enchantres @ > Dovina | 19-Aug-04/1:43 PM | Reply
Thank you for your honest critism, I certainly can do something with it in the future.
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