dancin_n_da_moonlite
replying on Rain by dancin_n_da_moonlite
16 Jan 2005, 11:12 AM
one part: thanx
one part: ummmmmmm okay then.......?
-mega
Overstated but real as a cheeseburger and a milkshake-9-.
Good meter and rhyme, but the message is overstated. Lines like "I can become Anything I want to be" don't cut it, not in my world. I hear what you're saying, but please keep it real.
I don't like this one nearly as well as your other. This seems written out of anger without close attention to craft. It's a whiny poem. And double-spacing doesn't help, nor do the lack of a spaces after commas.
quotation marks like odd raindrops, which is cool. Unfortunately, I voiced the poem with the dog from that very odd religious claymation show "Davey and Goliath".
"I have an advanced degree in knowing what any kind of writer thinks and believes, which I obtained at an Accredited Poetry School."
Must you punctuate all your soilings with that stamp of excellence? Such reverent qualifications put us all to shame!
As it happens, I can think of a poeme that wouldn't hold together on an emotional level: a poeme about Jesu and His burrowing exploits. It is a well documented, if little known fact that Jesu spent 90% of His life underground, only coming up to the surface to feed, gather acorns, watch ER, and get crucified. But to write a poeme about it would be tantamount to grand larceny. Hold together on an emotional level? Fuck off. It doesn't even come close. Miracles. Parables. Disciples. Burrows. Trying to understand what Jesu was thinking when He made His elaborate warrens would be like trying to understand gooseberries. Empathy is impossible, and the reader is left wallowing in a lagoon of "What the fucks" and "Do you mind if I don'ts." But FACTUALLY? FACTUALLY it stands up. FACTUALLY it holds its own. And in a world where people are constantly seeking to cut nature up, organise it into concepts, and mull over the resulting cocktail of self-ascribed significance, we often forget that. I've already forgotten it.
Ooooooooooh. Very cool in a stalkerish kind of way. And I like how you waited til the end to include that most important detail.
Yeah dude, I like it. It's really basic, but also universal. We've all been there. I just wish you would've added more details, but maybe that ain't your style. Anyway, good.
Hell yes dude, I like this one. And Happy Birthday, I'm guessing it was recent.
LOL
so very well written
-mega
um.....okay then.......i didnt hear it (?)
so, yeah........well................now that it is established noone was trying to be mean........maybe i will read some of your poetry posted somtime.........im 15 by the way.........and have only been writing since.....thanksgiving......but have written 59 poems to date......since then
-mega
I feel this very strongly.I'm 26years old and find myself at times still questioning my beliefs not just in religion though.Sooner or later it will come to me.I left a reply to you under a comment you left on my poem.I enjoy what I've read of yours so far.
It's nice to see someone has been able to read what it was I found myself trying to explain.I've gone and read the poems you have posted.I am very impressed you have true talent.You know how to use imagery,almost more of a story teller at some points.
I'm hearing an audience again.
And their laughing.
Dunno if it's at me. But they are.laughing. :-/
Yes, I understand Katie. It's how I answer his questions, then re-answer when he asks again. Nicely done.
ah.
Nice!
:)
These are the easy questions, which if answered, lead to the hard ones.
Sounds like the yearly Bible Reader that always visited my Elementry and Middle School. lol
I didn't get the last line, though.
:-/
lol
I'm fourteen. Been here, sending crappy poetry as I write them, since 2003. I have way more. But just the sight of them will sting the most unpenetrable eyes.
I've gotten my share of mean people here. eh. It's what Poemranker is made of. *cough*Dark Angle*cough*
I'm not making this into a sorry fest.
But I wasn't trying to be mean. either.