PodPoet
replying on For Junior by PodPoet
1 Mar 2005, 9:55 AM
Dovina:
Beware of what?
:)
Drop the first line, since it's the same as the title, and change "mine" to "mind" in Line 3. Also, some of the punctuation is not needed. Otherwise pretty good.
did your grandfather die, or simply pass gas?
The best poem ever written. -10-
Beware!
You've said all that unsupported blather before, but it's always good to hear it again.
your an autocad
Hi Zo! just got back from India, my grandfather passed last week.
Now I know you know that I can read this.
More, more, give us more. . .I like your poems
Some advice: Don't call yourself insane in a poem, or anywhere else for that matter. Trust me, being an Insane isn't all as cute as Benny & Joon or whatever. Most of them are missing a whole lot of teeth, stink to high heaven, and aren't anything even the most selfobsessed of misanthropes want to look like. If you saw a real one, you'd know what I was talking about.
Q1: What about wars that actually take place mostly in the sky? Like, say, the last ten.
Q2: What is involved in being patriotic to a nation with no laws? I wouldn't have thought it possible.
Did you just watch the movie "Girl with a Pearl Earring"? Just a wild guess.
Some real advice for once:
- Don't invert word order for a rhyme.
- Don't cripple grammar for a rhyme.
- Don't rhyme fear/tear, choose/lose, stand/hand, or taken/forsaken. An easy rule is: if any song I've ever heard does it, don't.
- The way you continue sentences through lines like the ones ending in 'shun' and 'back' is really good. The rest of the lines seem poorly connected and mostly for rhyme's sake.
- Punctuate.
- Don't write poems about friends dissing and you don't know why.
It's not a bad poem, but I think it's unfair since Dylan Thomas can't answer, having pickled himself ages ago. Why don't you write a response to someone living? Seriously.
Look, I know you stopped listening to me a while ago, but listen now:
I'm a trained feminist critic. That probably doesn't mean much to you, but it SHOULD mean I know how to handle the business of talking about whether things are sexist or not. I don't know what your job is, but I imagine it has something to do with handling money, and if I showed you a handful of quarters you'd probably be able to say 'that's not gonna be change for $100'. This is the same thing. -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I. is right, the poem is sexist regardless of its basis in real life, and you are more sexist than he is. Which is sad as your a bint and one lacking any other desirable attributes.
There's no such word as "layed". You fucking retard bint.
Are you actually insane?
I'm only asking because I spent months once arguing with a guy who'd convinced me he held the Prestigious Whemying Chair at New School, New York, only to find out later he was completely bonked. And also you seem to be insane.
As told to me by a man in a bar who was in the WTC on that day and followed his boss down the stairs with ten other employees. How could it be otherwise?