whispern_smoke_wisp
on Some Things by Christof
9 Mar 2005, 3:44 PM
i like this i do - but one comment - be more specific when you say she - it was a little confusing at times as to whether you were discussing the librarian or the girl.......
-zarina
i like the intention but, i dont think we will ever have a Utopia, at least not one this earth, things can get better but they wont change, until people do
and people haven't changed that much at all since the time of the grecians,
thats 2000+ years of human nature working against you
it would be nice though (the utopia)
-zarina
I'm a Canadian. And of course i dont mind saying.
Its not that i have anything against america per-say,
perhaps its just the goverment i have a serious issue with.
I dont find it strange to love yet hate your country,
i honestly do love my own, but then we have it much easier over here.
~Autumn
What, in 100 words or less, were you trying to get at with the portent of playing tether ball and four square? :)
And what is a "hot walk"?
And what is the idea, here, really? :)
more poetry. I'll see what I can do. :)
Other questions going back to the other thread. ;)
1) if it is on a site called poemranker.com why would you post that which is not a poem
2) it definetly sounds like a poetic attempt, I'm not quite sure how well you suceeded by it sounds like a poem to me
3) it was a good effort and I will acknowledge that so often the words to describe what we feel escape us and we almost always come up short in trying to describe both the happy and the poignant
4) all that aside i don't really care for this that much i give it a 6
-zarina
The first part is a more interesting approach; the last bit is both preachier and more generic.
The first part is simple, but that works well for it; large ideas are often better told from a childlike point of view. :)
may i ask if you are generally an intuitive person, because id say you have guessed everything right
interesting BUddha reference
and especially the hw part, you are right
i dont think i am a genius at least i dont think i do, but if you associate my arrogance with my sophmoric schooling, then i can remain confident that it will pass, this one was the most natural poem by far, in means of how it came out, and sometimes i speak but not as if I am myself, which may account for some arrogance
in general i think my issue is that i feel like everybody everywhere is suffering but im not and its not fair to them and why arent i doing more for society; i have yet to find my balance
give me time
-emili
intersting.........do you think the end could stand on its own as its own poem,(the last three verses) or would you say that the first part is the only good part
-emili
Definitely one of your better posts; I'd cut it after "Vesuvius". I think it would be rather good if you cut it after "Vesuvius", actually. :)
its vaguely disturbing that you find that funny but you know, you are right, no one will understand my pain, but they probably wont ever understand yours either, because we all have a pain that is different, and we only understand what has happened to us
i think thats why so many people feel alone
-emili
thankyou
what country do you come from
just wondering
if you dont want to say that is fine
and i do love america but i hate it to, is that strange or uniquely american (most of my friends agree)
-emili
you know, you are probably very near the mark when you say that......i do have a habit of going to long and getting too detailed......but i think my point may be just an aim in the dark at the truth because thats all i was looking for when i rote this.......and you are correct again when you that i dont understand life............i havent lived nearly enough of it yet to have any real idea what im talking about, but i try and hope that when and if i ever do understand i will know enough to be able to share that with others.............
-emili
you know i really fail to see the relevance between spelling and what expletives may be applied to me
and you dont really know what your talking about which is sad because at the heart of communism is one of the best ideas ever come up with, mainly, that each person does what they can and gets what the need
the problem is that as a human race, we are not pious, satisfied, or driven to do work when we dont have, myself and yourself included
please think before you sound ignorant, i am sure you are not or you wouldnt be pursuing a poetry site anyway
-emili
cute. the beginning was a bit commonplace, and the middle dragged; the ending then felt rushed. I suppose the main complaint is that this is a laundry list, and those are nearly impossible to give substance too, even when this is entirely a story as well. I think you rely too much on the form, here.
you make a compelling point - that is something i am having trouble with - you could say i am a brain, you know, i live in my head to much, and often the details of the outer world just slip me by........im working on it though..........thankyou for being contructive without being rude
-emili
sometimes i dont like a piece of poetry but I dont feel like being rude --if i know is that i dont like it but i really have nothing constructive to say - is it not better to say nothing at all
and i dont honestly think i am a genius, but we all have our delusional moments dont we, those times when you really think you are onto something, but then you wake up the next morning and realize not only has that theme been played out 1001 times over, but that you're also an ass
at least ive had days like this, regardless - you were right in thinking that it did have a touch of arrogance - i was going for that - not because i really am one - because all of those "martyrs" that are wondering around today piss me off - who needs another martry one third of the world already has one, and the rest obviously dont need one
-emili
I like the waves, but I don't really see it as snow, sucking or otherwise.
Cute, but not a pipe.
no actually, i am a gemini
-emili