donmiguel1960
on Ago by Enkidu
16 Jul 2004, 8:57 AM
its a good start
good emotion
Drive on, Bro!
i like that the last line is out of meter and out of rhyme, however the ametered fourth line feels somewhat awkward; thematically, no comment, a classic ode
*sob* beautiful *sniff* just beautiful.
Thanks for the heartfelt sentiment, touching really,sniff * and all for Poetry day today in little ol NZ
I dunno, it was a bit stupid but could be brilliant if you altered the last stanza.
I spose.
No love for this verse.
consider changing the last stansa
writing what you feel is good
Good, but I fail to see how the choppy line divisions add anything to the impact. A well-expressed thought.
Gregsamsa222, you think this is much worse? I am inclined to agree, I like the idea of the length of an arm from the previous edit and nothing else. So I put it in. Kind of want to move on now.
I like not knowing who created whom in the first few verses. Man creating god in his image kinda thing. Then it seems the ALL CAPS one is god. Then toward the end, (lower case) seems calling god Pencil Child. It's a blggle of uncertainty, which this whole issue is about, and seems centered on the line, "definitions come easy to definers." Second to last line, how about, YOU WILL NOT. THE LAST WORD.
the "spoil it" line spoiled it for you?
:-) appropriate
the line breaks are a bit arbitrary-- but i think it helps in reading aloud (or under your breath). at least for me; i wrote it how i would talk it.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
15 Jul 2004, 1:19 PM
INSIPID This is more mating call than poem.
what kind of sick poetry is this?
Seems like you sucked one poet into taking the position you sought-- Open fly hook with a plastic jesus hanging from a fishing line of gold nylon. Reel 'im in, Dovina. Flop him onto the deck and hit him on the head with a bowling pin. Then multiply him with your loaves. Ah men!
nuestro futura should be nuestro futuro.