darylchew
on True Friendship; No boundaries with You and Me by meghan
5 Sep 2004, 6:57 AM
is bestest even a word. spelling mistakes.
vulgarities. are not tolerated.
i understand.
this is..stupid.
5 for the thought.
Given your use of repitition here you might want to consider rewriting this as a Villanelle, or other repeating format.
A broken 8
Nice to see such intelligent constructive interaction, considering I haven't seen one correctly written sonnet yet I sense a certain imagery of pots and kettles here.
Not that the poem is any good, but the criticism is for the most part worse.
Could you explain how this gets to be called a sonnet???????????
Suddenly I remember why I haven't been here in a while...
It is not iambic pentametre either.
Spreading Sturm und drang across two lines looks very poor, you ae breaking aconcept where no concept should be broken, still there is some nice imagery here, made me remember being an undergraduate.
This is the kind of poem that wins contests. It probably brought loud applause if you read it before an audience. It has the normally desired elements. And donât get me wrong, I enjoy its flow and appreciate the images and descriptions. But it sacrifices meaning for prose, follow-through for rhythm. It is like a beautiful melody having lyrics that seem beautiful because of their attachment to the music.
An essay. A statement of position. Not a poem. I agree with you.
'Creep in to her in the night"
Into her room or back to the uterus?
"And settle for knowing she knows" possibly
"And settle for knowing she knows more."
Does this change what you are saying or make it clearer? -8- maybe a -10- if I were not confused by those two lines.
Actually, my eyes are blue-green.
Sometimes it's easier to just let life pull you along, just keep your sights ahead and you can use your mind and soul as a kind of rudder to direct you.
Sometimes separation is the only avenue.
Why can't she be the yellow and you the blue, or maybe purple?