| Re: _______ by Dovina |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
27-Oct-07/3:22 PM |
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| Re: Bullfrog Night by Musicman |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
27-Oct-07/3:34 PM |
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Ha! I almost didn't like the word > chant. boo on me.
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| Re: Table for Two Please by Musicman |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
27-Oct-07/3:41 PM |
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Sorry. Even broken up, rest of the best, bugs me.
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| Re: Dark Matter by Musicman |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
27-Oct-07/3:45 PM |
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Could you explain the term "movement" to me ? Using this piece as a for instance, if you like.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
27-Oct-07/3:45 PM |
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| Re: Nomad's Oasis by Caducus |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
27-Oct-07/3:52 PM |
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Play with the line breaks, would be my suggestion.
From stanza two:
drank from sweat and tears devoured refusal
to stop searching for the promised land.
no vote. yet.
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| Re: Winter Moon by Musicman |
Sasha 128.135.194.190 |
28-Oct-07/10:44 PM |
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Starlit night: Cliché
Nightly gloom: Redundant cliché
Find a less cliché word than "Ghostly"
Other than that, not bad
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| Re: The Grip by drnick |
Sasha 128.135.194.190 |
28-Oct-07/11:15 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
29-Oct-07/8:19 AM |
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Any one that says metered/lyrical poetry is dead can go to the deep for all I care.
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| Re: The First Date by John Rambo |
some deleted user 68.236.36.10 |
29-Oct-07/11:32 AM |
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Actually... I have SARS. This is not funny.... Shame on you John Rambo! :)
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Absorbed Intellect 82.20.237.112 |
31-Oct-07/8:39 AM |
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| Re: Dulacca - for a day by Skamper |
Dovina 75.82.86.162 |
1-Nov-07/8:39 AM |
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A nice nostalgia. Where is this joint?
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| Re: homer simpson by malpaso |
Dovina 75.82.86.162 |
1-Nov-07/8:46 AM |
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I like embiggens.
At least capitalize her name.
Line 4 adds ambiguity - good.
I don't know homer, would like to.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Dovina 75.82.86.162 |
1-Nov-07/8:52 AM |
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Good expression, good ideas, may they rest in peace.
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| Re: homer simpson by malpaso |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
2-Nov-07/5:54 AM |
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I see a lyric. The first two lines being the refrain.
Add to it. Really.
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| Re: Voice of the World by Dovina |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
2-Nov-07/6:01 AM |
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My gut says, this is a jump off point for what you really want to say. Sit on it.
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| Re: Voice of the World by Dovina |
Skamper 58.171.158.246 |
2-Nov-07/3:01 PM |
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I feel you working up to something in the first verse and then kinda fade away in the second, it needs some strength to show conviction. I like the idea of learning from an unexpected source.
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| Re: Some poems by INTRANSIT |
Skamper 58.171.33.243 |
3-Nov-07/10:24 PM |
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perfect last line - love it when reading one that hits ya just like that.
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| Re: a bit of theory by pete |
Skamper 58.171.35.168 |
3-Nov-07/10:28 PM |
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I like it - although I'm not sure if I should.
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| Re: Winter Moon by Musicman |
Musicman 192.208.44.100 |
4-Nov-07/1:53 AM |
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I took the advice of my fellow poets and rewrote and submit for your comments. Thank you all.
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