This has to be a first run item. Run it again, through the wringer and get more water out. It's still soggy. 8 for quantitive writing.

fucking hilarious

Splendid, like a piece of warm toast firmly wedged in the buttocks of an Arab child.

Firstly will Ben appreciate having his name rhymed with win? Secondly, I "turned up" in my shorts over the prospect of Andrea, is she really as you portray her? or is she actually the least facially corrupted cripple on your sunshine bus full of mentally deficients.

this is excellent. In stanza 8 perhaps you mean flinch when you write flich? or is flich a word I have never heard?

unspeakably daft.

i think that the home/beauty line is the best in the poem. it makes perfect sense to me...that where beauty has made residence, it will never stay, but always move on to find new residence. Beauty does not construct, but rather make "something" her home. I think it works. whether this is true or not, I cannot exactly say, nor do I particularly care. I like the theme, and I think the language is well used in some parts, but, overall, I think you need to pull in the reins a little, as much of this feels over the top, but perhaps the "floweriness" of the language is apt after all. what the fuck would i know? anyway, i think the ending is good, if a bit overplayed and somewhat cliche.

Bad boy Bill Cook is quite a gem, With his paralysed body and ruptured brain stem. He almost died in that terrible fall: We thank Jesu that poor Bill can speak at all! Andrea is a cute blonde slut Who charges ten bucks for a cock in the butt. For less than a dollar she'll suck on your wang But she's keen to have an anal gangbang. Kyle J.K. is amazingly gay Who wears crotchless pants for his ass to display. He's the world's most chronic masturbator: And he’ll wank again soon, and then again later. Chris O., Ben’s “Little Boy Blue,” is really sweet. He always asks me to lick his meat Because he thinks it will cure his gayness. In return he licks my anus. The funny man on our team is Mike. He's a real-life spastic, who we all dislike. He suffers from an infection of the urinary tract And smells so bad flies he does attract.

shame you could not work "tars" into this somehow.

Joann, a "performer", says "cum in my eyes." She also does anal, which should be no surprise, since she's proven to have a sandtrap-sized twat And no feeling neck-down since that fall in her flat. The highlight of our group is someone named Dewi With no arms and legs she's rather like a harbour bouy. For support, she is carried by Chris L. and Newman, Who find it quite hard to consider her human. Dewi’s assistant is the mulleted butch Chris, S&M's what she lives for, with a BBW twist. She played chicken on train platforms, until once she did slip, And now she's a terribly ugly retard crip. The Chairman of all is "Doctor" Newman, our big Daddy, He's not really a doctor, and he's so obese that he Nearly prolapses whenever he blows upon us, So we've often suggested he use some sort of harness.

Great storytelling. Has the chain been fixed yet?

horus please.

It's really excellent that you describe the plates as 'hard'. I've often noticed that about plates. Your language captures their essence completely.

To bring fright is bad enough, but to bring BOTH fright AND fearfulness is calamitous indeed!

You cannot write lines like, She seems to be doing well so far this year, And her team makes her so happy, that she must shed a tear. and not be incredibly thick.

Comment: By Frederick Rigglesmeyer Friffelschmidt. Yes, a womans bulging triceps are not something one should leave behind.

a mugged runner?

Fright and fearfullness are the same, but I like the way it builds and settles back to where it started. King of crime seems wrong, maybe cradle of crime.

Nice

The last line tells more than needed. A long and wordy story, but pleasing in a fairytale way.