but he never got to see the promised land

Is there any particular reason for the religious nature of your recent poems, or do you just find it a nice subject to write about? Anyway, like it lots, have another 10.

neat.. but don't quite like the picture of the girl formed in my mind. she sounded so.. helpless. was that what you were trying to convey? i mean.. she couldn't live without the guy kinda thing?

senseless and wonderful *7*

great poem, although i doubt many who read will understand or appreciate. -10-

Puts me in mind of the Lightning Seeds: Sugar Coated Iceberg, can't think why.

Here's an alternate ending: This dubious poem is not that great, I think I'll go and masturbate.

I like this. I don't have to try and find any meaning in it and it's completely random.

Where do all the egotistical people come into this.

I came. I saw. I decided not to bother reading it.

10

My guess: A horrible attempt at a song. Don't do it again.

No one will ever eat your beauty? What the hell. I know what you are getting at, but this is just crap.

You've moved it to spring for the farmers and given us Rhyl in place of the former euphamism. I don't see the devolution as clearly now.

You need to look at spelling and grammar. Is jroday really your father, and is he really dying? Tell him I hope he's not dying.

Using "your" for a general granny in this sense seems distracting. Why not say "my granny" or just "granny?" And "total moron" doesn't set right either. Maybe something about her attitude.

Wings are not invincible. Dissonance has to do with sounds. Other vaguenesses follow. It's a good image but lacks clarity.

How can anything shake an earthquake?

a literary triumph

all men are not created equal, and God is just in what He does