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Mice (Free verse) by MacFrantic Oh how soon we do pretend
That for this time
We've reached the end
A maze of sort which is the best
Our span of life within this test
String along and watch us run
We climb the walls
We dodge the sun
This dubious race is not but strife
Although it seems to move our life
Up the ladder:
Bedlam Bazaar
Down the ladder:
Sunlighting
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.8
Posted: November 17, 2004 11:02 AM PST; Last modified: November 17, 2004 11:02 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.5827065 Overall Rank: 2364 Comments:
Here's an alternate ending:
This dubious poem is not that great, I think I'll go and masturbate.
Congrats. Previously it was only the poem that was stupid. Following your defense of, it is now clear you are stupid.
nice rhythm. the rhymes are a little overused though. "pretend" "end" and "best" "test" and "run" "sun" they seem a little elementary.
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You idiot. The title of the poem is "Mice". Presumably at least half of the metaphor is mice. A metaphor is supposed to work for both the thing it's superficially describing and the thing it's alluding to. richa said 'this poem isn't very good at describing mice'. Ergo, you've at least half-failed.
This poem isn't a very good description of people either. And ratrace/human metaphors are overdone. Now you've totally failed. I hope you're suitably ashamed of yourself.