jroday
on Satan's Pillar: The Wisdom of Heresy. by SupremeDreamer
30 Jan 2005, 5:23 AM
This is good, coming from a man who's brain tissues are deteriorating due to Complex Partial Seizures.
When I had my second brain surery. I felt like some of the verses in this poem, that's why I wrote the poem can't fight no more -10-
Not bad, not bad, but I have some edits to suggest:
1st Stanza--
Devil, Devil, hear me pray,
listen close to what I say.
2nd Stanza--
I would pay you to tempt me
with your clever little lies,
offer me your cruel malice
wrapped up in a cherry pie.
3rd Stanza--
Devil, Devil, hear me pray;
keep my sobbing eyes at bay.
4rth Stanza--
I would beg you to smite me
As only Lucifer himself could.
I deserve to suffer much more
Than merely being understood.
5th Stanza--
Devil, Devil, hear me pray;
teach me the wisdom of your wicked way.
7th Stanza--
Devil, Devil, hear me pray;
take me, take- take my spirit away:
8th Stanza--
If I can not make you do
to me what you must,
I'll offer my soul to you
with a single direct thrust.
Consider them if you feel so inclined.
Blessed with seven.
desolation. mmm, am really not into those thoughts but hey, this is good!
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
on Satan's Pillar: The Wisdom of Heresy. by SupremeDreamer
30 Jan 2005, 5:11 AM
you wally
right
This is pretty funny in that I just posted a slightly similar thing. I hadn't read this.
Interesting. I like the feel of it quite a bit, you've got a couple capitalization things, worthy of an edit, that keep me from giving it a 10, otherwise, well, I would.
now if we could only find that kind of person...
-10-
"when you expect something to be perfect
it never is."
amen to that.
it will get better tomorrow..... (or in the future; for sure)
-megan
I laughed a little and thought it clever. "airbag suggested he stop" is funny. "species" seems a little off - I dunno, competators maybe.
I disagree! Winter is a wonderland that I miss here in perpetual summer of Southern California. Not badly written though.
true.. 10.. beautiful
Jesus Christ this is awful.
Are you a caricature?
I suppose whatever I say, you'll just say it works on an emotional level.
This poem does not work on an emotional level.
The first two lines are plagiary.
not related to my poem ?!
Very timely. The war is lost, yes, sadly.
I disagree. It does work on an emotional level.
Inspiration can come from anything
Thrill, only because I'm always seeking
Movement occurs at the whimsy of wishful thinking
Motivation comes from your hearts desire
Touches can be terrible liars
Freedom is a tight rope balancing act, fun but scary
Comfort Lies within the company of smiles
Excited, I can it in your voice
Completely dazzling as I am stunning
Challenges of Art and Intellect are my day
Seeing is Believing that everyone has depths and shadows
Entertaining by fake smile over top of real grins
I want someone
Who isn't seeking passion
Brilliant Brightly Beaming
My Eyes Burn
Only to cool
Not Yet, Convince Me
<3 Jason