Ranger
on ab*defg by Goad
19 Apr 2005, 1:27 PM
ye-es...you can, of course, remove keys from the keyboard.
Seriously. Why do you censor yourself? What is the point of it? Censorship just seem like one of the rules you've some how retained I guess. You had me for awhile, before I got bored by shear length, and subject matter that I felt was being beat overly to death. Yes, it's okay to slam multiple poets in one post, No, it's not okay to slam multiple poets in one post given the amount of time, and the aforementioned droning subject. Ambition is a good thing to have. Eye strain however, sucks for poetry. -7- Because I liked alot of it. I just thought there was way too much of it.
you probably dont need the commas in the G line, other than that not a bad ditty
A comparison of observations, a relating of two things most people never think of as related. How about "where" in the last line?
Why not use punctuation within the lines, since you're using it at the ends? I like "coughed a bastard" and "coughed at amen." But much of this eludes me.
You, sir, are the reason I couldn't keep my as yet unbrowned hands from this site.
Damien, you say on your homepage:
"Think what you want but express what you like not what is wrong."
Which makes me think that you only want positive comments on your poems. Now, if you really wanted to improve you would welcome all constructive criticism, but you don't. This makes me think that you are a little too insecure to receive constructive criticism as it is meant. Now if you put you poems on a website called "poemRANKER", then you can't really get all upset if someone scores you a zero; that's just their perception of your work. There's no point expecting people to build up your self image, when the image they will create (of an excellent poet) is inaccurate. You say "All I need now is an honest opinion of this
If I can write this simply do I have a gift?", you've been given an honest answer, and you've got all upset about it. It may suprise you, but if you do write something brilliant, it will generally get comments saying it is brilliant.
And finally, the grammer issue. You must accept that it is important, consider the following two sentences:
A woman, without her man, is nothing.
A woman; without her, man is nothing.
Identical words, almost directly contradictory meanings, all achieved by the placement of punctuation. So your claim that:
"if everybody decided to do this we would still understand each other."
may not be as correct as you think. Even the addition of a few commas to your poems would help a great deal, think of it as helping hands guiding the reader through your work.
Now don't get all offensive.
I've heard there are exercises/meditations you can do that will cause the gaping hole to gradually tighten back up again.
That way it's nice and snug when someone new comes along.
Ok, please explain this c -> * for me.
You're choosing to use the word fuck in something you wrote. You're posting it on a board that has absolutely no censorship, ever.
WHAT. is. the. purpose. of spelling it fu*k instead of fuck? What does it accomplish? what does it do for you? I'm genuinely curious.
Is there something really really wrong or politically incorrect with the letter c, that I'm just not aware of?
Nice poem. stop thinking........ and dont ........ also forget the...... next time leave.......out
Damien is a fitting name because you are the Antichrist of poetry.
Why not stop banging your head against a brick wall on poemranker.com, and start your own site called angstyteenagerapranker.com. Do you want to be the next Eminem or something?
This one, however, did make me laugh. So you get a 5 for it. You lose marks for it being just a bit too much like 'Stan' by Eminem in terms of the sheer amount of ranting rage. Take it easy.
Actually you can get a 6 for the unexpected Deng Xiaoping reference, although you should capitalise proper nouns.
Fuck not f*ck.
BREAKING NEWS: Complete twat elected pope. God be praised!
Oddly enough the big votes here do seem to go with the big words rather than the big attitudes. I liked being shouted at although a couple of the rhymes weren't my cup of tea (although I'm in no position to criticise other peoples' rhymes), 8 from me.
Fabulous-your poetry has got so much more intricate since I was last here!
ha!
Possibly the most convincing incentive for me to attend Church and become anorexic. In that order. If the Lord is not proud of you, I would be most terribly surprised. God bless.
I'm going to give you an 8 for this. Not because it's actually worth an 8, mind you, but just because the fact that you obviously must have put actual time and effort into coming up with 5 5-syllable rhymes & a 4-syllable rhyme against inferiority/superiority is (I hope) an encouraging sign of some sort of pending revivification. Though with our luck, it's more likely a sign of pending revitrification.
speaking of "xxxxx-ation": rhyming against -ation 8 times in a row is DEFINITELY NOT to be encouraged. Please don't do that again. Even if the last one is a clever use of an obscure word. And please: get rid of "fascicles". It's a word that just ought not to exist. Even though you've used it correctly (in an awkward, contrived sort of way) the fact that no one ever in the history of poetry would ever consider using it that way makes it just seem wrong, and makes YOU seem just wrong.
This is intense Ella. I think I can relate to this...sometimes...someone just fills you so deeply, that, that,... you find it hard to imagine -- can I really be the one you're looking for? -- But you really are if life puts two people together like that and it feels so incredible, with me I say just go with it.