SHUT UP

PRETTY GOOD

isn't this an acrostic?

This is good. Dark, ominous, filled with moist character. It hit me hard.

Form, impeccable, clarity, clairvoyant, transcendental, great, good, passable, tolerable, limited, annoying, tasteless, purposeless, slimy, hateful, nihilistic, pornographic, murderous, genocidal, New York Yankee-ish

GOOD LORD THIS IS AS WORTHLESS AS WINDEX ON CEMENT

Um. Why did you think I wanted to read about your silly failed attempt at loving? You know why she left? It wasn't your loving-- It was your obsessin. Zero.

Madam, the ranker has fallen off the golden path and into the dismal gutter. None of my friends speak, my mentor left long ago, and even my goddamn enemies are no longer here to keep me company. What is a savage ex-jester to do without his fuel, his purpose, his support or mean inspiration to keep on just for the sake of keepin on just to say that: Fuck you, I'm still here? As I said earlier, the mere act of not acting is more fatal than fist blows to the face and testicles. No Vote.

"You were once been mine." No... no. 'You had once been mine." Now if we could just make something worth reading out of this idea of ashes? Something that doesn't make me think an eleven year old girl wrote it. Ashes, ashes, and we all fall DOWN! Two. And that's only because there's something that can be done with the concept, but nothing can fix the failure of execution.

sliver, you know you have this bad habit of calling something a lyric when it isnt? Tell me, how the fuck would you sing this as a song? ITS OK TO ADMIT IT FOR WHAT IT IS MAN!!!! FUCKING FREE VERSE! Ok... Just had to get that out of the way. That aside, there's some cliche like elements here that tell me the piece could be better with a revision. It's not horrible, I liked the essence of it. I want to say seven, but I can't... it is found wanting. Six.

Don't worry. I understood the analogies of greek mythology. Nine.

Ah... it's good to read something that stirrs the beast. Nine again.

I'm sorry man but.. what the fuck is a messerschmidts? Not knowing the dutch or german of wtf ever is bothering me. That aside, seven.

Canada? No man, no. China is gonna be the number one economy in just a few years. You know why? Cause canadians, like americans, are just as enslaved to chinese products. No Vote.

Oh yeah, brutish, filthy, and just my sort of poetry.

Ok, now when you did barney and dora, the rhyme scheme wasn't an issue. But here? Here it's quite obviouse that the poem unfolded as it did because you stubbornly held to the rhyme. That and it's length made it a bit a chore to get to the end, even though it too had some pretty funny elements. You know, some powerful stuff can be forged when you loosen up and let a poem flow in a natural way, one that follows the human mind and not A B A B A B A B A B A B.... Your poem got owned by the strict, repetetive, hypnotic rhyme scheme. I felt sleepy, but could not pass out because the simplistic rhymes irritated me. Try a hand at free verse, or even prose poetry. That, or do something worthwhile with rhyming form, like a villanelle. Also, the limerick is perfect for making a funny poem... its short, clever, has a rhyme structure, and if done correctly will make everyone giggle. Look up some of dark angels classics, he's done a lot with the limerick form. You get what I'm saying dood? Fucking branch out. Five. I'm being nice too, because I really wanted to say four.

You know, you have your little moments where I start to get that tingle that signals that you've done good, and then you stumble on your face, get up, give me the tingle again, and again stumble. At the end of the piece you broke both your legs. Calcium gets brittle and the soul gets bitter during winter, eh? Six.

This is filled to the brim with avant-garde post-modern hypnotics. It reached me, deep. I love the imagery, seeping, creeping at me from all angles! Oh wait, I didn't even read it because the title is hot garbage.

My excrement is more captivating than this.

Autodefenestrate