poemranker ::Almost Alone by sliver

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Lyric № 155662

Almost Alone

Member since 2002 · Posted 20 Jul 2008 · Edited 23 Jul 2008 · 3 comments

Once broken, now she bends.She has learned to become more like a willow,Than the oak she was. Still she stands her ground,Although the healing is slow. The process has brought her closer to home. Looking back down the road, she can only see the shadows of places she’s been. and yet again she finds herself alone, shaking in the frost and snow where she stands. Finally starting to feel that maybe strength is overrated, That maybe weakness was created just for her to find, Until the bitter winter silence is broken by a cry, from the child at her side, and she remembers all the reasons why she started down this path. Suddenly she finds that all her strength is back, so she continues down that snowfilled track, swearing to herself that she will never again let the past distract her from the goals that she has set.

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mean 5.50 weighted 5.02 rank 7477 views 243 View voting details →

2 votes so far. Yours would make 3.2 votes so far

3 comments

[8] Dovina 23-Jul-08/4:21 PM Reply
Becoming more like willow than oak is very Dao and very cool.

Verse 2 displays drunkenness; please proofread.

Verse 5 is a thing I learned 20 years ago. But Verse 6 blows it.

The final verse is a disappointment to a good poem. Goals should always be subject to change.
[5] T. Jonathron Remp 25-Jul-08/12:04 PM Reply
I stopped reading halfway through.
[6] Don-Quixote 29-Jul-08/5:42 PM Reply
sliver, you know you have this bad habit of calling something a lyric when it isnt? Tell me, how the fuck would you sing this as a song? ITS OK TO ADMIT IT FOR WHAT IT IS MAN!!!! FUCKING FREE VERSE!

Ok... Just had to get that out of the way. That aside, there's some cliche like elements here that tell me the piece could be better with a revision. It's not horrible, I liked the essence of it. I want to say seven, but I can't... it is found wanting. Six.