regarding some deleted poem...	xxx 68.166.37.185	26-Jun-05/8:51 PM
The order of this is rank... or is rank the order of the poem.... tis rank anyway
regarding some deleted poem...	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.33	26-Jun-05/10:21 PM
natures should be Nature's, otherwise I tend to agree with rockmage, which is a litle worrying.
regarding some deleted poem...	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.33	26-Jun-05/10:24 PM
Pretty awful was my first thought, a second read did not improve things.
Re: The Edge Of The World by kingfisher	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.33	26-Jun-05/10:27 PM
Prose yes, poem no, the language needs to be something extra for that.
Re: The Intellect Repeats by Blue Magpie	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 69.231.22.69	27-Jun-05/12:23 AM
villanelles are hard work. I even had to look up how to write a villanelle to check to see if you wrote a villanelle. Which you did. Yikes.
Re: The Intellect Repeats by Blue Magpie	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	27-Jun-05/2:17 AM
I like this one. Rapped from between clenched teeth. >>such thoughts, as are by this made wise and deep<< The only line that made me stagger. Literally, I mean. The grammar seems rather forced to me.
Re: We by darby pyn	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 69.231.22.69	27-Jun-05/10:51 AM
bated means "to take away, subtract or lessen." The dictionary I opened also said it could mean "to flap the wings wildy." which did you mean?
Re: We Have Never Spoken by fevriere	Dovina 69.175.32.185	27-Jun-05/12:54 PM
I seems you're describing old age, not in years, but attitude. Then I come the lead piping and don't see how that relates. I like verse 2. Then in verse 3, the lesson seems forgotten. I think it's a glimps that might stick with the two youngun's
Re: The Intellect Repeats by Blue Magpie	Dovina 69.175.32.185	27-Jun-05/12:58 PM
It's hard to do a treatise in a villanelle. Stories work better. Here, I think that for the sake of form, you have diminished the value of intellect way too much.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 69.175.32.185	27-Jun-05/1:03 PM
This is completely silly. Its the kind of Dutch thinking that must have traded Amsterdam for New York, all for the love of tulips.
Re: The Edge Of The World by kingfisher	Dovina 69.175.32.185	27-Jun-05/1:14 PM
I can see the picture, "the end of the globe," but could have seen it more clearly and forcefully with fewer words. "numinous sight to be seen," for example, could be "numinous sight." and "to disappear into oblivion" is the same as to disappear. "Seemed" is misspelled. Metanoia? The ending could be made better, I think, that is if I see what you mean.
Re: To Whom I Have Not Long Written by MacFrantic	Dovina 69.175.32.185	27-Jun-05/9:12 PM
The opening line is off-putting because of the obvious answer.
Re: Hat of the Hare by thepinkbunnyofdoom	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 69.231.29.36	28-Jun-05/1:10 AM
I couldn't figure it out.
Re: The Object of the Game by Dovina	fevriere 62.254.128.7	28-Jun-05/6:04 AM
Is rockmage senile? Or just uninspiringly offensive? Anyways: I like this poem - thank God it's not another "women suck because they ignore me".. Yaowl. I was just wondering about the repetition of "hurt" and "hurts" - intentional? I don't like it but this could be unfounded dislike.
Re: The Object of the Game by Dovina	Caducus 172.188.225.37	28-Jun-05/6:26 AM
I like it but the last 2 lines lack impact.
Re: We Have Never Spoken by fevriere	Caducus 172.188.225.37	28-Jun-05/6:27 AM
It has promise but the rhyme is off.
Re: RAGGED TIME MELODY by Joshua_Tree	Joshua_Tree 68.230.105.101	28-Jun-05/7:27 AM
Thank you Zodiac, others, for your comments before. The exchange turned out to be a fruitful one for me. I hope that feeling is mutual.
Re: The Object of the Game by Dovina	Joshua_Tree 68.230.105.101	28-Jun-05/7:47 AM
Somehow collective pain never has the psychological impact of individual pain. Poetry can address this in two ways. It can throw bare a single example in the midst of the chaos of pain or it lay the pain on in unstopping layers like some abuelita unwittingly building a bullet resistant pinata. You score for having something to say, for saying it well and for not being self centered in you communication. You just need to conciously decide on an approach and work it in order to get a 10.
Re: wasn't ready by hendrimike	Joshua_Tree 68.230.105.101	28-Jun-05/9:20 AM
The transition from your metaphor to its application is always going to be difficult. One way around that is to put the situation in the title and stick with the metaphor throughout the poem.
Re: WHAT KIND OF FOOL ARE YOU? by Joshua_Tree	Dovina 69.175.32.185	28-Jun-05/10:17 AM
Provoking, and therefore good. I think the fools in Verse 3 are most to be pitied. The last line of verse 1 seems like it should say something like "Then finding . . ." Verse 4, line 2 seems wrong or unnecessary.