Re: Submit by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	Dovina 69.175.32.185	25-Jun-05/7:23 AM
"ears peaking through hair softer than a night in Wales on the Irish Sea." The good stuff of love poems. If only the rest matched it.
regarding some deleted poem...	xxx 68.166.37.185	25-Jun-05/9:54 AM
ghaaahhhhch!
regarding some deleted poem...	xxx 68.166.37.185	25-Jun-05/9:55 AM
This is much more story than poem.
Re: Submit by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	25-Jun-05/12:44 PM
>>softer than a night in Wales on the Irish Sea.<< ...Where? Unless some subtle joke escapes me? There are nice moments, like line 3 and 4 and 8. But this really calls for good metrics, line 6 jars in that respect. And I don't like the frequent grindings to a halt.
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	25-Jun-05/12:50 PM
Twice 'Autumn' and twice 'ghosts', hm. What's a synonym for 'Autumn'? The late season? 'Ghosts' could be alternated with 'spirits'.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 212.118.19.91	26-Jun-05/2:54 AM
It seems like you forgot what this poem was about, like, five times.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 212.118.19.91	26-Jun-05/2:55 AM
Suggestion: Turn every question in this poem into a statement. Like we'd know, anyway, you're the freakin poet.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 212.118.19.91	26-Jun-05/2:57 AM
re "the gray wind of used to be". In three poems, you've done this three times. Don't. It's not done, unless you live in the nineteenth century.
Re: FAT BALLET- PAS DE DEUX by andrew barnes	zodiac 212.118.19.91	26-Jun-05/2:59 AM
Change "jolting fatigue", "long- limbed pulley", and give the ending some punch. Very good, though. Have you been watching Dancing with the Stars?
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 212.118.19.91	26-Jun-05/3:01 AM
Why did you say "slabs" so much, I wonder? Just because it's a kind of funny English word, I answer.
Re: Passion by gothiclovepoetiss	zodiac 212.118.19.91	26-Jun-05/3:06 AM
Q: If you only felt like this because you'd heard love described in exactly the same terms God knows how many times, rather than - I don't know - somehow just spontaneously having this feeling, would you know? In other words, do your knees really, REALLY buckle? Please answer honestly.
Re: Fillamayer! by smiffy84	zodiac 212.118.19.91	26-Jun-05/3:10 AM
Not bad. But the best poemranker lay in the olden style is still this one: THE LAY OF KING BUMBLEMEAT Whither the meatly hats of yesterlunch? Whither the sausage helmets, the hammy porkpies, the berets Shimm'ring in sunlight, so meatly, All smelling sweetly Of honey and jelly-glaze? Whither King Bumfirst's hamhock, that bunched So gloriously on his ears as he rode that day Swinging his wet truncheon: To luncheon! To luncheon! So awfully, so embarassingly gay? Alas! No more the meat! Alas! No more those hats! The ham-fedoras flapping their silly brims among the leaves Of Bumwood! Lost completely Are those bright helms, so meatly, Collapsed with somewhat sickly splats On the tops of our Wellingtons (Beeves).
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	26-Jun-05/6:05 AM
I should delete the last question mark.
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	26-Jun-05/6:09 AM
Leave out >>for the insane<< in line 5. 'White padded room' tells enough.
regarding some deleted poem...	xxx 68.166.37.185	26-Jun-05/7:55 AM
You seem to be having a problem.
Re: Cupid promised me, Nadine by Shardik	matt door 172.134.144.92	26-Jun-05/11:34 AM
Seems this site is still hollow rude and talentless! If you wallow in trivial shit - you'll always put fourth trivial shit. GROW UP!
Re: Gothic by zodiac	matt door 172.134.144.92	26-Jun-05/11:39 AM
yawn - like a third grader's rumination.
Re: Cupid promised me, Nadine by Shardik	matt door 172.134.144.92	26-Jun-05/11:46 AM
The first 14 lines sound like my 10 year old, spewing fourth awkward taunts - the rest is great.
regarding some deleted poem...	impert&ent 82.46.129.23	26-Jun-05/4:17 PM
Nice to see you again. As always, something evocative and true. Thank you. As for the content, I read 'i see what seems to me a pattern' as ' i see me as a little speck'. Translation: we see ourselves moving through something incomprehensibly bigger. I think the sense still holds true with that reading.
Re: The Edge Of The World by kingfisher	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	26-Jun-05/7:43 PM
Reads like a description of a computergame. But the era's all wrong.