Bethy
on Take heart, you are closer than you know by Bobjim
18 Aug 2005, 3:46 PM
Beautiful...gave me goose bumps...it reminds me of someone I know...:) Bethy
verrrry good...:) Bethy
sounds like me when I think in my car...with no pen...and a poem in my thoughts...lol :) Bethy
I like this one Dovina...secret encounters are fun...lol...:) Bethy
How about simply, "A Letter To Anyone"? Or is it to someone? Must be to someone, because there must be some ones you would not want as golden catfish on you arms. I like looking for all our lost pens.
I've been wondering what a prose poem is. Now I have a standard against which to judge. Great!
Bless.
mikey likes it
I'm not sure what "Small squeeze, a swell." is. I won't tell you what my guess is because it's kinda dirty but if I'm right I'll give you a 10 for the devilish grin you caused. Your on a roll now. Good flow again. Keep that factory in your head goin'.
Somewhere in a trailer along the backroads of West Virginia a woman eagerly awaits to hear these very words.
WAY FAY, WAY STY, SAY AY I. As an acrostic it sounds kinda cool in a nonsense way. I know it's not intended but your Microsoft Word program put caps at the begining of all your lines. So at first I thought you might be doing some kind of acrostic poem. Nice, warm, religious. Kind of like a spiritual.
You and Bobjim should get together and trade caps and lower-cases.
There's a guy in Pittsburgh who walks the streets rummaging through trash cans and talks like that.
Loose "Beside a path of broken darts". It just sounds goofy. You have an engine that has some good parts but you need to assemble it better. Get your thoughts to connect with each other. Then rev that engine up.
Last line should be "Rather HAVE left before he stayed."
Aside from the rogue period at the end of the Unsheathed line, it sounds good to go.
it's resonating in my subconcious, but that is all at the moment.
Death is a semi-colon hmmm...
Makes sense.
I always thought he did things half-assed
A Bob Dylan "Subterrainian Homesick Blues" like rave?
Yes.
A prose poem?
Not really. Unless your talking about the generic form of taking a verse or free verse poem and getting rid of the line breaks. i.e. Poetry that resembles prose.
(Baudelaire rolls over)
Prose poetry is a prose work that has poetic characteristics such as vivid imagery and concentrated expression. i.e. Prose that resembles poetry. Your work contains too many characteristics of verse poetry to comfortably consider it prose.
With that said. Outside of the structure I found the poem to be very entertaining if not right up my alley as far as walking the line between free verse and formal verse.
All that Yellow leather repetition dilutes the poem. Why not mix it up with some different color leather. Other wise the poem's got some great rhythm and some good rhyme.
Besides. No one does yellow leather like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill.
The poem sounds good and all but isn't the idea of a spirit that it doesn't die. That it just drifts off somewhere into eternity. Or did you mean spirit as in enthusiasm. Put Spirit in the place of all the little orange petal flower parts of the poem and you'll see the places where your spirit isn't like a little orange petal flower. Maintaining the metaphor is at the utmost importance in this poem for the point of the poem is the metaphor.
Love the concrete like structural design of the poem.