Powerful, could use some tighter language. But powerful

In order to understand poetry more , may I ask: What is the purpose of translating a poem which has been translated probably more than once? In the meantime, it pleases my ears and thanks for introducing me to ANOTHER poet whom I shall probaly never understand were it not for translations. Voting in this case seems futile without being able to read Italian. 10

this is great...Bethy :)

A bit too angsty for my taste, a bit like a suicidal teenager at 1:00 a.m.

I have never seen a Verlaine. And I almost didn't post because of the quality of this piece. I agree with Shuush.Only more quality can help us all out of the swamp.

EXCELLENT!!!

It feels like your telling too much and not showing enough

Good job, feels like you could do more with expressive and novel language, but the poem did its job very well and there are some beautiful places.

The first and second line are a little disconnected. Change "lands" to something like "events" and it will connect without the reader having to pause on the first read to figure out the setting. Plus "events" would allow you to keep the implied rhyme. By "masks" do you mean masquerade? If so spelling it "masque" would have made it easier to identify. I like the assonance of "song and calm" in stanza 2 and "calm and long" in stanza 3 and all the other places too. The last stanza has that E. A. Poe style line repetition so I'm guessing you read a lot of Poe too. 2 more lines and you got yourself a sonnet. You've pretty much nailed the traditional style. I only wish I had that much restraint.

Doesn't sound american. More like Emily Bronte's great, great, great grand daughters response to something she saw on Oprah. But very well written in the aesthetic sense. In many ways I envy you.

Did she tell him all these things before or after she tossed his salad? Kudos for making whore-sex so romantic. -10-

You fucked up the "This old man" rhyme scheme. This makes you look uneducated even at the preschool level.

Good, except for the soppy parts about love and friendship and being there when you're down. It may be what you feel, but objectively it weakens the strength of the poem. 8 for overall quality

Congratulations! You've won the prize for most arbitrary line break of the month! (It's the one between 'and I' and 'would frolic in the park')

A tissue of lies from start to finish, the crescendo being your staggering claim that Asian food smells nice. No Asian thing smells nice, because by definition that thing is coated in a thick layer of Brown.

very contemporary with the flavor of the japanese masters. nice

Something's wrong in the last stanza. i'm no grammmarian but it just doesn't make sense to me. Sorry I can't help more than that.

Lets read something you wrote...and not a translation...I know this is written in your words, and it is a great...but lets see your own work...:) Bethy

yea, i like the first verse, too... i think your poem could've been better.... coz i LOVE kayaking!!!

How much better was poemranker when this junk was gone. Same drivel, same forced language. Anyone wanna place bets how long before she screws this guy and claims he raped her? Her last two false accusations were in August, so that's the smart money this year too. (Happy anniversary - did daddy do you in August? remember when he came from behind?) When will this awkward girl learn, if you don't break patterns you're doomed to repeat them. How many more lives will she destroy? How many more times will she post this same poem on poemranker. Cutting is the only thing that makes her happy. Feel the blade, feel the blood dripping and making you feel real. Go deep, go deeper. Keep cutting until the pain goes away, then cut some more. Feel the blood leave your body, let your troubled soul float to God. There's no other way out for you, it's God's plan for you. Cut and be with God.