T. Jonathron Remp
on some deleted poem
1 Sep 2005, 8:57 AM
A comical glimpse into the life of a sad, sad individual
[Comment Ranker (Favorites) by MacFrantic]
"This poem makes me want to impregnate your daughter, then impregnate the resulting child, and continue that trend for twelve hundred iterations resulting in a child so twisted and recursive in form as to be worthy of being smeared across your face. *4*"
very funny.
are all those 'i cans' really necessary?
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by the time I read to the end of this poem/lyric, I was singing it...now it will be in my head all day...lol excellent emotions...:) Bethy *8*
Quit -the- din, i think would be better. Otherwise, I hope to see this in the top twenty soon.
I'd lose the fifth stanza. We don't need a Zeppelin reference. Lose the The in the fourth stanza and your pretty good.
okay, but whats the point.
good poem, kinda hangs at the end, but good *8* :) Bethy
public class Nentwined extends Rockmage implements UnbelievablyAppalling
{
...
I think you extended the metaphor beyond its shelf-life. It feels cluttered by abstractions to fill in the places where imagination fails. Other than that good.
The lines seem too long for the subject matter they contain
Interesting concept
good lyrics... *8* :) Bethy
this is fun! yep a drinking song fer sure...:) Bethy
These words are sooooo good, may I copy and tape it to my fridge...:) Bethy
the sharpest dullest blade...my favorite line in a very long time...:) Bethy
Music but what else
Beautiful...:) Bethy
You've taken my breath away...:) Bethy