Bethy
on I've often been known to make people laugh by T. Jonathron Remp
2 Sep 2005, 6:53 AM
a magician !!! or one of the three stooges, hehe haha!! good one Jon!!! :) Bethy
Third stanza is a bit shaky. Otherwise good. *8*
I loved New Orleans, I was there at last Mardi Gras...It breaks my heart to watch the helplessness, aid is on the way...God Bless :) Bethy
Mary Pickford once said it wasn't the falling down, but the staying down...Bravo!excellent! :) Bethy
:) :) :)
To feel...a curse and a blessing. Do you taste your lover on the wind, feel weakened by a sickened tree, hear another's soul cry through the touch of their hand? Are you blessed and cursed with a knowing? I would have emailed you, but you do not provide that option here.
One thing about the poem...creep and creek was a little rough going. >"The former river creep as a low creek." Also...wouldn't crept be the correct word?
Strange way to end that gull poem and scene.
You used a more complete language in all but the ending. I would have put in >are mating or put>
next to my shoe...Asian beetles mating. (But, I think inserting 'are' would be the better of the two.
Good to see you're still at it! I miss god's wife. Don't you? This is really great, I love it.
OOOOOH!!! and the sub-poem too! wow.
jsp-id 31428.
it's a keeper.
Not deep enough to be a repudiation of omnipresence; just deep enough to be flooded, gutted, and razed.
I enjoyed it, until "Go live among your awesome aunts" took me out of the poem.
Yeah...this fell apart. I get what you are trying to say here...but you need to revamp it.
Could be really good, but the line "The quarter is French" is quite odd. Almost as odd as the French. Perhaps that's what you meant by it...
This is listed under 'Free Verse', but isn't it a form? Not that I would know all the technicalities of such things...just wondering. I don't care where you put it. Oh, and...isn't he just like everyone? I think so....
LilMsLadyPoet
on I've often been known to make people laugh by T. Jonathron Remp
2 Sep 2005, 10:38 AM
Ha- HA! Excellent...One thing though.. at>
"Twirl around and fondle your sister,
And disappear before she knew what had hit her,"
...it seems a little out of rhythm right there...perhaps?> "What'd hit 'er" to speed it up some?
That is why I am a flyer of the night...the currents are not crowded then, and under the shroud of midnight-blue clouds against the blackened sky I am better felt and sensed than seen with the eye. It makes for much higher flying...besides, the breezes are so FULL then that it vibrates through you. (Lovely, lovely piece!)
Yeah...it needs more...far more.
I like it better without the last three lines...actually, the ending stanza could be left off, and...I would have liked some reference to the statue being of a homeless man in the body of the poem; but for the title, you do not have an image in your head of what the statue is.