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Intrusion (Sonnet) by Sasha
I saw a bold red cardinal, quick and slight As the last spark out of an erstwhile fire, Dart from his dead and native tree for flight, Dodging the deadly voltage of a wire To heights that let a bird’s eye view the road Wrapped tight as a huge boa round his wood In which a dark, continual winter showed On a few boughs where greener summer should. Onward I wandered down the well-paved track With faltering limbs, not knowing why, and soon The forestland had a sameness of black And a slow growing thirst had parched me weak. I tripped and saw, with paper and glass bestrewn, The former river creep as a low creek.


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Arithmetic Mean: 7.25
Weighted score: 5.6051183
Overall Rank: 2295
Posted: August 30, 2005 8:30 PM PDT; Last modified: August 30, 2005 8:30 PM PDT
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Comments:
[10] INTRANSIT @ 152.163.100.67 | 31-Aug-05/8:18 AM | Reply
I can't compete with this. But I'll try.
[10] ALChemy @ 65.188.89.69 | 31-Aug-05/10:16 AM | Reply
For using the sentence "Wrapped tight as a huge boa round his wood" without refering to a penis I give you -10-
[9] Bethy @ 24.222.32.250 | 31-Aug-05/10:43 AM | Reply
third last line...awesome!!... great words...:) Bethy
[9] LilMsLadyPoet @ 152.163.100.67 | 2-Sep-05/10:12 AM | Reply
To feel...a curse and a blessing. Do you taste your lover on the wind, feel weakened by a sickened tree, hear another's soul cry through the touch of their hand? Are you blessed and cursed with a knowing? I would have emailed you, but you do not provide that option here.
One thing about the poem...creep and creek was a little rough going. >"The former river creep as a low creek." Also...wouldn't crept be the correct word?
[n/a] Sasha @ 68.49.8.49 > LilMsLadyPoet | 2-Sep-05/11:45 AM | Reply
No, because "I tripped and saw...[it] creep,"
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