Re: Lament by Caducus	Tintagiles 142.166.233.153	12-Sep-05/7:16 PM
As has come to be expected from you, very good. Line six, 'there' not 'their'. 'Soon Spring will die in October': great line, but, umm... what happened to summer?
Re: Keep Your Mouth Shut and Your Gun Loaded by wilco	ay deee 24.255.87.123	12-Sep-05/9:36 PM
i like a short verse, but i don't know... "makes" and "i'll have" make it a little off. but i'm no stickler for grammar.
Re: My addict by Heather Dee	ay deee 24.255.87.123	12-Sep-05/9:41 PM
i liked the first two stanzas better than the rest
Re: to all of you by Heather Dee	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	13-Sep-05/2:37 AM
Consider yourself lucky if you get constructive remarks. Alot of people here just want to make fun of others. Start with free-verse it's easier to pull off. Read some of the masters. Find those poems that speak to you and study them and there authors to death. Use cheats like dictionaries, thesauruses and rhymezone.com. Then decide you don't give a fuck what the assholes think and write on.
Re: the birds are bugs by ay deee	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	13-Sep-05/2:42 AM
"they have like a violiny sound to them"-? Y'all not yall.
regarding some deleted poem...	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.116.139	13-Sep-05/11:46 AM
I admit my puncuation is/has always been my weak point. I inserted here, took out there, changed it from comma to semi-colon, etc. It is hard to always know which or what will convey the thought in cohesive segments, and which way of presenting it will best convey the way it is best read and undestood. I am always glad for comments sent. Thanks.
Re: My addict by Heather Dee	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.116.139	13-Sep-05/11:53 AM
I was threw.> through. I threw the ball through the window, and now I am through playing ball. 'will power' is one word, I think. willpower? will-power? (I don't know, that part of my brain just failed me..tee-hee) I think>My addict, I thought you had left me and went on your way. (A comma would be good here.) 'given into you'> given in to you. Lots of period where commas should be. Make sure where period are, that it is a complete sentence that stands on its own. (I have problems with puncuation too!)
Re: My Big Butt by Dovina	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.116.139	13-Sep-05/11:55 AM
are invited to kindly kiss it. Maybe would be better rhythm there? And is Pitbull one word? Pit-bull, maybe? just wondering, seems like it might be one of those. Cute poem!
Re: On the road by flatliner	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.116.139	13-Sep-05/11:59 AM
burn> burned... all to> just to?... i> I Not bad.
Re: to all of you by Heather Dee	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.116.139	13-Sep-05/12:01 PM
Well, I am gald you are feeling relieved....and glad you plan to keep trying.
Re: the birds are bugs by ay deee	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.116.139	13-Sep-05/12:06 PM
use some punctuation and some editing clean it up and i might even like it maybe because it is a peak into a neat thing that happened or at least it seems like that i wondered if it was about cicadas but maybe you are talking about some other bug i cant believe you thought they were birds anyway work on this poem because as you should be able to tell by now without punctuation it makes things hard to read and interpret.
Re: My Big Butt by Dovina	LilMsLadyPoet 64.12.116.67	13-Sep-05/6:49 PM
Okay, not cute as in darling...but as in amusing in a "Yeah, my butt is big; so what?! kinda way. And...I DO get tired of big women who throw their weight around, purposefully positioning themselves in such a way as to make me move from where I was standing. It is an invasion of my body space and I resent it. I resent even more when they seemingly do not see me or think they can walk Over me, literally. It seems some bigger people fully expect a smaller person to move out of the way...and to me, that is a bullying behaviour.
Re: Artemis and the Rain by MacFrantic	wilco 66.61.101.130	13-Sep-05/6:51 PM
Your poems always give me a headache.
Re: Radio Tele Libre Mille Collines by Muffinly	wilco 66.61.101.130	13-Sep-05/7:30 PM
Baxter, you know I don't speak Spanish. Seriusly, though, you've got some solid stuff here. I think you could do without the second stanza and cut the first down to about half the lines and this'll be pretty damn good.
Re: June by Muffinly	wilco 66.61.101.130	13-Sep-05/7:31 PM
Once again, you could probably say this in about half the lines and it's actually be more effective.
Re: August by Muffinly	wilco 66.61.101.130	13-Sep-05/7:33 PM
mmm...not as good as the first one I read...not terrible, just doesn't make me jump up and say halle-fucking-luja (which really wouldn't be that hard right now cause I've got an 18 pack of High Life and the George Strait Box Set.
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 66.61.101.130	13-Sep-05/7:38 PM
Sorry, I just couldn't get through this (length can be a virtue as in Zin/Enough/Squeeze/Things/Flow or a downfall like most of the other long poems on this site. Work on getting this down to a readable length and we'll talk..maybe I'll try again tomorrow, but I'm too tired and too drunk to try right now.
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 66.61.101.130	13-Sep-05/7:40 PM
Sorry, I just can't like it right now. Too much rhyme and not enough reason.
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 66.61.101.130	13-Sep-05/7:43 PM
I actualy rather like this, escept for the dread one.
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 66.61.101.130	13-Sep-05/7:45 PM
See, just when I like something you wrote, I read this one and ruin it.