I'd break it up into line/indented line. Like this: Today my name is dreamer, Lost and clueless It would probably make it a bit better. Not much, but a bit.

I really like these lyrics......can actually hear this one with music. That is usually the true test of good lyrics and you have written some great ones.

The stanza is goosebump cool. The title also drew me in and the whole things pretty to read. The last line needs a tidy up, how about 'so i turn against the kansas wind'. just shorten las tline a tad sire.

Nice poem.....very thought out and carefully paid attention to rhymes.

All I can say is -- OUTSTANDING. Very powerful,k moving examination of the ambiguities, contradictions, and agonies in life. You have a wonderful gift; I hope you will continue to write.

More like a letter than a poem. Try using half as many words.

0170D4A8

Ow. That's terrible. If you're going to use old-fashioned language, do it well. Aside from that, an excellent first-person narrative of a dwarf performing cunnilingus on a grown woman. 8070F000

'Amassed with many feelings'?

8074E000

Needs a rewrite. Here's a hint: if you're gasping for air, and in the next moment screaming, you're not serene.

Nice, nice. Why the question mark at 'cross he carved'? The second last stanza doesn't seem to fit that well, though.

Of course, in English at least, the form works better if the three rhyming lines are of the same length...

Very good until the last two verses. Then you seem to shift into another gear. It's like two poems.

Isn't it 'Bunyan'?

Too prosy. Maybe it's that there's not great feeling of rhythm. Something could be done with it, though.

31.

Oh, come on, horus, you can do better than this...

Drop the next to last line. It's out of place and seems preachy. Otherwise real good. She was 18 when you were 30?! You old dog you;)

And my poems are pretty damn funny Huh? Well yers are fucking hillarious. So don't even be dissing my poems. Have you read yers lately?