Quarton
on Nowhere Land by Caducus
21 Sep 2005, 9:08 AM
I am a bit confused by parts of this but overall, I found myself liking it. And it is up to the reader to interpret your meaning.
I'm reading an anthology right now: Staying alive (real poems for unreal times) By Neil Astley. I remember a poem that made mention of black holes or a black hole and your poetry came to mind. I cant seem to find the poem but the whole anthology is reeeeeely good.
Um, mamm-outh? and gladfly/glowfly? Planet-fly or moon-fly could be used? don't know. 8
Terrific. I had to re-read and it just got better. A ten.
There's much to like in this, but there are a couple of loose ends too. I like the imagery and the metaphors. But I don't get the "robins staff", and think the focus changes in the last line, and leaves the thing unresolved. If the staff were a coat hook, it would make sense to me, given that your coat is the rain.
As for the last line, you may set spectacular, but in a solitary land of your own rather than nowhere. But why focus on yourself at the end, given that up to that point the focus is on her and the love?
Shitty poem.
You forgot to end with th-th-th-that's all folks.
Sorry I tried so hard to resist it but failed.
Good story.
Interesting rhyme pattern.
A bedwetting can test even the most devoted parent's love.
00769101
I like the idea, but am off-put by the grammar. A little more conventionality please.
In a flow of thought ramble like this, I still think punctuation is good. Or at least put each thought on a separate line.
This is fucking amazing...I really want to give it a 10, but I cannot give any poem a 10...that would say it is perfect, and that is most impossible. However, you kiss perfection...maybe even slip it the tounge; a very dark, vivid tounge. god damnit this is some good fucking shit...I cant fucking stop swearing its so good. I'm putting in a 9, but I want you to know it is more like 9.95. This is by far the best thing I have read on this site.
Not a true Villanelle in that it doesn't really have the aba rhyme pattern ending with an abaa nor does it repeat the entire first and third line each alternating at the end of each stanza until the last stanza.
But still it's an impressive exercise in poetic restraint.
Sad. Interesting swap there. Unlike me and my heavily cliched (and sedated) poems. I think I should like to try an inversion someday. How much does the safety equipment cost? Man, the rankers dead lately!
How did the Dumpling die? Did He squeeze it too hard? Did it just dry out?
01709123
I probed your poeme with one of these: http://www.collectorman.com/images/S608.