Re: How Angels Smell by Dovina	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	25-Sep-05/11:13 AM
The Angel Michael smells like cookie dough and looks like John Travolta. I heard they were blind but the not smelling thing is new to me. The next thing you'll be telling me is they have no feeling which explains why they don't bother having dicks. Maybe God just smells really bad. That's why the angels have Michael Jackson noses and God hides from us. Next time you smell something funky and you can't figure out where it came from feel comfort in knowing the holy father is near. I like the idea of the poem. The blindness of faith and all.
Re: Vice, Depravation, and Solace by D. $ Fontera	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	25-Sep-05/11:28 AM
Better than it should be.
Re: my friend beth we wear by jessicazee	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	25-Sep-05/11:34 AM
I spank this hurricane a monkey throwing but Snickers at me.
regarding some deleted poem...	Tintagiles 142.166.239.46	25-Sep-05/8:07 PM
A bit too preachy. Change 'The rich getting richer', it'S been heard far too often. For some reason 'bones showing through fragile flesh' sounds like something I'd expect in a love poem, but maybe I'm just odd. The big question line 'Would our world's Gods...' is definitely out of rhjythm, and not in a good way. Also, I'd use a lower-case 'g' on 'gods' -- when encompassing all of them, it's not a proper noun.
Re: Are you my love? by Prince of Void	Tintagiles 142.166.239.46	25-Sep-05/8:10 PM
It seems to be missing the occasional 'that' and 'the'.
Re: The Birds by flightoffancy	Tintagiles 142.166.250.105	25-Sep-05/8:42 PM
Please -- you have to get at least one reference to Hitchcock in.
regarding some deleted poem...	Tintagiles 142.166.250.105	25-Sep-05/8:45 PM
Some people, like wine, get better as they age. Not this, though. Your writing's as terrible as when you first got here. My word, there's not even a single unobvious or inventive rhyme.
Re: Awakening by Quarton	Tintagiles 142.166.250.105	25-Sep-05/8:49 PM
Nice. Very nice, even. It's 'whirling' rather than 'wirling', by the way -- though I'd tend to change that line. 'Whirling dervishes' have been heard of too often.
regarding some deleted poem...	Tintagiles 142.166.250.105	25-Sep-05/8:53 PM
That third stanza... oh dear. The first two lines are good, the third falters, and the fourth ruins it utterly by falling into a banality so complete words fail to describe it. Oh well.
Re: The Death of an Octopus by tianyi	Tintagiles 142.166.250.105	25-Sep-05/8:54 PM
The Villanelle's much better.
regarding some deleted poem...	Tintagiles 142.166.250.105	25-Sep-05/8:56 PM
On the one hand, it's a pantoum, and anyone who manages to write one deserves praise for managing to do so. On the other hand, except for formally, it's not very good.
regarding some deleted poem...	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	26-Sep-05/9:38 AM
"All things shall pass."
regarding some deleted poem...	cyan9 217.40.63.105	26-Sep-05/9:45 AM
Would have voted higher if the last lines here a little more brutal and flowing
Re: Electric Light by cyan9	Verse2Verse 69.207.123.92	26-Sep-05/11:58 AM
Nice write, intricate.
Re: Looking Up by Verse2Verse	cyan9 62.253.128.14	26-Sep-05/12:45 PM
Gentle, moody and contemplatative (a very nice combination) - there is sufficient thought within the first paragraphs to force me to ask where I can read more of your work (a rarity). I would say I lost the thread a bit in the middle verse though, but was so enchanted by the end of the second verse that I quickly glanced over that.
Re: Escapism by vulcan	cyan9 62.253.128.14	26-Sep-05/12:46 PM
Too True
Re: Servant Girl or Princess? by TLRufener	cyan9 62.253.128.14	26-Sep-05/12:47 PM
Gratuitously emetic
Re: Servant Girl or Princess? by TLRufener	Tintagiles 142.166.234.75	26-Sep-05/7:11 PM
Was he in shining armour at the ball? Must be a pretty tough guy to dance the Volta with sixty kilos of metal on him...
Re: Electric Light by cyan9	Tintagiles 142.166.234.75	26-Sep-05/7:14 PM
I'm presuming 'chorde' is 'cord'? And 'that whispers of me to enter' -- should that me 'whispers to me' or was the gate whispering about it, in which case 'to enter' makes no sense. Very well written, though.
Re: she is... by Sapphire	cyan9 217.40.63.105	27-Sep-05/1:45 AM
Cute, the word spice gathers a bit of interest here. It is short and simple and perhaps a bit too simple to stand on its own, inclusion as a verse within a larger piece may produce a more involving result.