Re: Pebbles by Verse2Verse	cyan9 217.40.63.105	27-Sep-05/1:47 AM
Analogy is well used here, the second verse feels a bit long for my likings, some kind of break or use of a bit more varied language might have pulled me in a bit more in that verse, rather than just being compelled to glance it over.
Re: Disaster in Disguise by Miggy	cyan9 217.40.63.105	27-Sep-05/1:55 AM
The clarity with which you recount emotional reasoning is very good here, ther are however lines like: Nor a faint sense of grime That break from the rhythm and flow of the piece without having any apparent purpose in being there (am I missing something? what is a faint sense of grime?). The other problem that I have is that there are several changes in the structure of the piece, that break the flow with a new structure each time you move from verse to verse. This can be quite effective when you want the reader to pause for thought or you want to provide a contrast, but here I think a more flowing structure would assist.
Re: Of the Lady on the Bridge by Verse2Verse	cyan9 217.40.63.105	27-Sep-05/2:44 AM
Haunting once you become engaged the piece
regarding some deleted poem...	Caducus 172.212.205.120	27-Sep-05/4:46 AM
I like the repetition and personal feel to 'let it'. Also i like : Let the skies open and bruise the trees, The fruit, the glassy banks of grass, The branches shorn of all their leaves Some of my imagery and form was inspired from your work, this like my own is flawed in parts (dont ask me where) but your poems always make me stop in my tracks and i feel improved just by reading.
Re: Of the Lady on the Bridge by Verse2Verse	Dovina 216.153.142.11	28-Sep-05/5:33 AM
Speculation and joining of speculated ideas is what poetry is and what you've done here. Just leave off the opening remark.
Re: Sunrise On The Slag Heap by Caducus	Dovina 216.153.142.11	28-Sep-05/5:37 AM
Good, and moves to a goal. The last few lines wrap it up nicely.
Re: Electric Light by cyan9	Dovina 216.153.142.11	28-Sep-05/5:41 AM
Too many words. "charred room that had once been ablaze" for example, could be just "charred room."
Re: How Angels Smell by Dovina	LilMsLadyPoet 24.162.238.185	28-Sep-05/12:04 PM
The last stanza didn't have the same flavour as the first two....felt it was kinda lacking there.
Re: A Barefoot Day in the Park by Dovina	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	28-Sep-05/3:45 PM
Good except "leaves from my fingers" seems to have no metaphoric or symbolic reason and is not based in reality either. Maybe something more like "leaves in my hair". The title reminds me of that Redford and Fonda movie.
regarding some deleted poem...	electroman1979 207.200.116.65	28-Sep-05/7:42 PM
wow, i loved it, brought a tear to my eye, keep up the good work
regarding some deleted poem...	Prince of Void 83.170.55.6	28-Sep-05/10:19 PM
not bad ..keep going on as u said ...let it .
Re: A Barefoot Day in the Park by Dovina	Prince of Void 83.170.55.6	28-Sep-05/10:30 PM
yeah i feel it ...u are right feeling misplaced not made for this world ...the grieving beauty of ur poem made me ocean of emotion cant be rest
Re: How Angels Smell by Dovina	zodiac 194.165.132.226	29-Sep-05/5:25 AM
Utter drivel. Your poems have the power to make you, Dovina, personally, however far you think you're removed by narrative distance and metaphor from their content, look silly as you only could in real life by forgetting to wear pants to a 'Save Killer Asteroids' rally.
Re: Awakening by Quarton	zodiac 194.165.132.226	29-Sep-05/5:26 AM
Would you say you have a better grasp on science than most people, including rednecks?
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 194.165.132.226	29-Sep-05/5:31 AM
I'd like to say I helped you to this breakthrough, but I knew it was coming. Can we expect only META-self-loathing from now on?
Re: The regrets made me voids by Prince of Void	zodiac 194.165.132.226	29-Sep-05/5:54 AM
THE ROGUEFORT MADE ME VOID (Void) by I Like to Void The Roguefort made me void While saying (as I like to say) "void" And getting cold Cuts for a party at my friend Lloyd's. As I say, I was getting cold Cuts when this guy who resembled Freud Came up with a cheese sampler tin - I'm only human, though usually I try to avoid Supermarket samples, owing to the hemorrhoids I sustained as a result of steroid Overuse while a roadie for the band Pink Floyd, Though I'm currently unemployed. But the hemorrhoids, as I say, are deployed concentrically around the anal void Roger Waters still occasionally comes to plumb As I mumble "void", and again "void", As the others have tried so The silence of void filled us over again In hundred miles green and blue yards.
Re: pep talk by ay deee	zodiac 194.165.132.226	29-Sep-05/5:58 AM
Good up to and including the hairy shirt.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 194.165.132.226	29-Sep-05/6:01 AM
"Clouds sweep across the sky in an ominous manner" would be great if you were writing opening stage notes for a Kull the Conqueror sequel.
Re: Sunrise On The Slag Heap by Caducus	zodiac 194.165.132.226	29-Sep-05/6:04 AM
I'm left wondering, have you ever read your poems aloud? ... to people? I haven't in years. I wonder if that explains a lot.
Re: Electric Light by cyan9	zodiac 194.165.132.226	29-Sep-05/6:14 AM
Most of this poem reminds me of a time I went to a DDR Nostalgia rave in Stuttgart while buzzed blind on gluwein. Ace.