Re: The Heart of a Man by Queen of Tease	god'swife 71.103.98.44	25-Jan-06/7:31 PM
Metaphors sweetie, metaphors. As sweet as... Thin like....etc. Also 'laid' rhymes enough with 'plain' that you don't need to use the word 'lain'. When i read that line I laughed, and that doesn't seem to be your intention. Also what does rhythm have to do with feeling emotions? If this poem is about something you have experienced then write about what happened to make you feel this way about him.
regarding some deleted poem...	ecargo 172.132.83.165	25-Jan-06/7:32 PM
Man, you've got some cool lines: cracked me open with a ragged chord. I always hear bongos behind your breathless rushes--is that a good thing? You probably play well to the spoken word crowd with these surreal streams.
Re: Relief (Ventilation Shaft rewrite) by cyan9	god'swife 71.103.98.44	25-Jan-06/7:34 PM
Uh... well there's certainly plenty of scenery. I've read this 3 times and i still don't know what it's talking about.
regarding some deleted poem...	god'swife 71.103.98.44	25-Jan-06/7:35 PM
what does it do?
Re: In praise of racism by INTRANSIT	god'swife 71.103.98.44	25-Jan-06/9:44 PM
What have you been smokin'?
Re: 52 card pickup (only a test) by crwncka1	god'swife 71.103.98.44	25-Jan-06/9:56 PM
This is nutty. Nothing makes sense.
Re: The True Fate of Humpty Dumpty by Joe-joe	god'swife 71.103.98.44	25-Jan-06/10:00 PM
The first parts well down, but then it kind of becomes nonsense. What happened to the sill in the first line?
Re: My Secret by Sway	god'swife 71.103.98.44	25-Jan-06/10:11 PM
Get rid of the pronouns and the words ending in 'ing'. All at once a timid violet & an audacious sunflower. All at once a mixture of ideas & beliefs. ..... When did Psyche have to sort & sift seeds?
Re: Upon Reading "Siddartha" by frahj	god'swife 71.103.98.44	25-Jan-06/10:19 PM
It's very difficult to take this seriously.
regarding some deleted poem...	god'swife 71.103.98.44	25-Jan-06/10:31 PM
Very cool. Well written, but i can't figure out what it's about. You've had some kind of epiphany apparently(I'm assuming you're the protagonist in this poem)I can't figure out who your talking to. Who's door are going to lay the blame at?
Re: Oblivion by Sway	drnick 24.176.22.254	25-Jan-06/11:28 PM
nice imagery, fuckin beautiful.
Re: You. by Sway	drnick 24.176.22.254	25-Jan-06/11:33 PM
I like this.
Re: Oblivion by Sway	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	26-Jan-06/4:56 AM
Good but common.
Re: You. by Sway	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	26-Jan-06/6:24 AM
Good but lose the rhymes or find better ones.
Re: Oblivion by Sway	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37	26-Jan-06/8:30 AM
Hmmm. Not bad
regarding some deleted poem...	Niphredil 132.68.1.29	26-Jan-06/9:40 AM
Dude, you need to distinguish the Old Testament from the New. (although I admit I didn't read it all, wayyy too long and repetitive....) Your very last comparison is wrong, because "An eye for an eye" is related to Judaism. Jews never "turned the other cheek", that was purely Christian and belonged to the later New Testament. So you don't really have any conflict here. P.S. Same for that John bit about the graves coming forth.
Re: After Rain by Niphredil	zodiac 209.193.9.194	26-Jan-06/10:10 AM
Nice, except the punchline ending.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 209.193.9.194	26-Jan-06/10:11 AM
What do you think commas do, actually?
Re: Singularity by drnick	zodiac 209.193.9.194	26-Jan-06/10:13 AM
Sorry, couldn't get into it.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 209.193.9.194	26-Jan-06/10:37 AM
Hey, good call! The Bible IS full of contradictions!