i love this =)

Haha.

I don't know why people are being so rude about this poem. I love it, and I always have liked anything about the heavenly bodies. Nice work ^^

I suppose you're hoping Lars will throw another press conference and announce that he's suing you like he did Napster. Good luck with that. My vote's this: "lO" It's not a real ten but a copy of a ten.

I liked this one a lot. Intellectual wording with vivid description of assorted personalities and a clever ending. I felt a couple of lines in S1 were a bit forced...just too much if you know what I mean. I liked this read overall though. ~Sunny

For the most part, & I am not out to hurt feelings, but in order to improve, we must take the blatent truth sometimes, adults don't want to read a novel-lenght poem about monsters. Some of your comparisons were almost funny, they had such an elementary element to them...I could go on but overall, I didn't finish your poem because I became pretty bored. Try studying some talented free verse poetry, maybe changing your style might work. You have the narrative imagination but it needs to be pulled up quite a few notches to be a "good read." ~Sunny

I see you trying to incorporate the comments on the former version, but to ill effect. I hate when people do to me whast I wioll do to you: The woman does not move; her clock has amnesia, and her hands are scarred. The peeping bird has ceased its back-‘forth routine, and the mother, in her complacent gown under the arch of the bathroom door, is consumed by a force greater than herself. It makes her baby’s oval lips silent, before it’s attempted cry. The toddler’s pruned fingers twisted the cold water off, allowed hot water to spill; and now the boiling water tightens on the skin that lies prey-pink raw. He is a statue that burns, he sees out of blue eyes. tortured stare nembraces her. Frozen fingers are in limbo in this eternal pause, cementing her feet. Baby’s mouth is opened without the screech; time quit in the seconds that lived before a wail and attempt. Not perfect. Play with it.

I like the first two verses. But verse three says that even in post-graduate fashion, your mind cannot fathom how you let him/her go, as if post-graduateness affects your ability to fathom such things. In verse three, "our memories" implies that her/his memories are available for you to evaluate as unending as the wind. But these are minor nits. Overall good.

Verse 1: If he swings on a wrecking ball, he'll get hurt. It seems to me the word "on" should be dropped. Verse 2 is great. Verse 3: "She does her work fanatically." If this is another woman, then it seems a new verse is needed for a new thought. Also, a comma, not a period. But maybe "she" is not another woman. Verse 4: Your fingers build with writing, I presume. If so, then a hint perhaps.

This is pretty good, although it was obvious to me that this is about jebus/"God." I do appreciate that you didn't mention that explicitly in the poem, though. It might not be a bad idea to keep the name out from now on so your poems can be related-to by those of us who dont believe in Santa.

Lovely. This reminded me of one of your poems... 'Sunlighting'. Somehow, poems like this get right to me. And the idea of it being about the eclipse.... fits in. About the title, I'm not sure which way it should go. Present one sounds okay. Or perhaps.... 'Moon's Affection'

Beautiful.

If I was to doooooooo it, nice hot bath, bottle of wine, bit of muzik, slit the old wrists brother. There's no art to the gun. The big disappointment is you didn't die.

Where do we go from here? Buffy!

Okay my last 2 poems have been short. To address. I'm living a beatnik lifestyle. Jazz. Wine. Etc... Word placement at the mo. is what it's all about for me. I will go back to the other styles but if you are wanting check out my previous. Ciao for now. CIAO.

Hmmm. It's written well, but I don't get it clearly in the 5th stanza. Seems to be contradictory lines.... she loves me not, she loves me still.

I don't know if you copied this or not. It would be easy to find out. It's even easier to find out that you voted yourself a 10.

I bet your real passion is story telling. Your style seems to show that. You border on prose in much of your work. I would love to see this as a complimentary poem attached to the end of the story of what took place prior to this. Not your best though.

This is written well ... and is a good read. And Ranger, I can't understand why people don't like to see anything, for that matter anything having even a slight religious connotation. What's wrong with that. It seems that's it's okay to have the dark side of life portrayed, and aspects of war, sex, love, happiness, chicks, etc.... but God? Why the discrimination! Somebody please enlighten me.

Of all the Metallica songs you chose to rip-off, you picked this one?! I'm giving you a zero, obviously, and kicking you square in the nuts(if you have them) if I ever see you. Next time go with something like "Seek & Destroy."