Re: A Country Anecdote by Dovina	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	31-Mar-06/10:36 AM
Beautiful.
regarding some deleted poem...	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	31-Mar-06/10:46 AM
This is written well ... and is a good read. And Ranger, I can't understand why people don't like to see anything, for that matter anything having even a slight religious connotation. What's wrong with that. It seems that's it's okay to have the dark side of life portrayed, and aspects of war, sex, love, happiness, chicks, etc.... but God? Why the discrimination! Somebody please enlighten me.
Re: Because You Love Me by amanda_dcosta	drnick 141.218.35.109	31-Mar-06/10:50 AM
This is pretty good, although it was obvious to me that this is about jebus/"God." I do appreciate that you didn't mention that explicitly in the poem, though. It might not be a bad idea to keep the name out from now on so your poems can be related-to by those of us who dont believe in Santa.
Re: The Unforgiven II by alvinb	drnick 141.218.35.109	31-Mar-06/10:54 AM
Of all the Metallica songs you chose to rip-off, you picked this one?! I'm giving you a zero, obviously, and kicking you square in the nuts(if you have them) if I ever see you. Next time go with something like "Seek & Destroy."
Re: The Unforgiven II by alvinb	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	31-Mar-06/10:54 AM
Hmmm. It's written well, but I don't get it clearly in the 5th stanza. Seems to be contradictory lines.... she loves me not, she loves me still.
Re: Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	31-Mar-06/11:23 AM
Lovely. This reminded me of one of your poems... 'Sunlighting'. Somehow, poems like this get right to me. And the idea of it being about the eclipse.... fits in. About the title, I'm not sure which way it should go. Present one sounds okay. Or perhaps.... 'Moon's Affection'
Re: SHOT by tisa7	Garrett S Sexton 86.130.244.2	31-Mar-06/1:28 PM
If I was to doooooooo it, nice hot bath, bottle of wine, bit of muzik, slit the old wrists brother. There's no art to the gun. The big disappointment is you didn't die.
regarding some deleted poem...	Garrett S Sexton 86.130.244.2	31-Mar-06/1:31 PM
Where do we go from here? Buffy!
Re: Absolute Pants by Garrett S Sexton	Garrett S Sexton 86.130.244.2	31-Mar-06/1:52 PM
Okay my last 2 poems have been short. To address. I'm living a beatnik lifestyle. Jazz. Wine. Etc... Word placement at the mo. is what it's all about for me. I will go back to the other styles but if you are wanting check out my previous. Ciao for now. CIAO.
Re: Old Friend by drnick	Dovina 70.38.78.229	31-Mar-06/5:15 PM
I like the first two verses. But verse three says that even in post-graduate fashion, your mind cannot fathom how you let him/her go, as if post-graduateness affects your ability to fathom such things. In verse three, "our memories" implies that her/his memories are available for you to evaluate as unending as the wind. But these are minor nits. Overall good.
Re: The Unforgiven II by alvinb	Dovina 70.38.78.229	31-Mar-06/6:39 PM
I don't know if you copied this or not. It would be easy to find out. It's even easier to find out that you voted yourself a 10.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 70.38.78.229	31-Mar-06/8:28 PM
Verse 1: If he swings on a wrecking ball, he'll get hurt. It seems to me the word "on" should be dropped. Verse 2 is great. Verse 3: "She does her work fanatically." If this is another woman, then it seems a new verse is needed for a new thought. Also, a comma, not a period. But maybe "she" is not another woman. Verse 4: Your fingers build with writing, I presume. If so, then a hint perhaps.
regarding some deleted poem...	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	1-Apr-06/11:39 AM
I bet your real passion is story telling. Your style seems to show that. You border on prose in much of your work. I would love to see this as a complimentary poem attached to the end of the story of what took place prior to this. Not your best though.
Re: The Unforgiven II by alvinb	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	1-Apr-06/1:45 PM
I suppose you're hoping Lars will throw another press conference and announce that he's suing you like he did Napster. Good luck with that. My vote's this: "lO" It's not a real ten but a copy of a ten.
Re: Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	raven_the_poet 216.45.130.159	1-Apr-06/1:56 PM
I don't know why people are being so rude about this poem. I love it, and I always have liked anything about the heavenly bodies. Nice work ^^
Re: Today's Spam by nentwined	raven_the_poet 216.45.130.159	1-Apr-06/2:13 PM
i love this =)
Re: The Considerate Lover by Tascobar	raven_the_poet 216.45.130.159	1-Apr-06/2:14 PM
Haha.
Re: Piccadilly to Baker Street by Caducus	Sunny 66.69.36.222	1-Apr-06/2:28 PM
I liked this one a lot. Intellectual wording with vivid description of assorted personalities and a clever ending. I felt a couple of lines in S1 were a bit forced...just too much if you know what I mean. I liked this read overall though. ~Sunny
Re: Monsters by raven_the_poet	Sunny 66.69.36.222	1-Apr-06/2:36 PM
For the most part, & I am not out to hurt feelings, but in order to improve, we must take the blatent truth sometimes, adults don't want to read a novel-lenght poem about monsters. Some of your comparisons were almost funny, they had such an elementary element to them...I could go on but overall, I didn't finish your poem because I became pretty bored. Try studying some talented free verse poetry, maybe changing your style might work. You have the narrative imagination but it needs to be pulled up quite a few notches to be a "good read." ~Sunny
Re: Fiery Hands by Sunny	Dovina 68.164.65.122	1-Apr-06/3:55 PM
I see you trying to incorporate the comments on the former version, but to ill effect. I hate when people do to me whast I wioll do to you: The woman does not move; her clock has amnesia, and her hands are scarred. The peeping bird has ceased its back-‘forth routine, and the mother, in her complacent gown under the arch of the bathroom door, is consumed by a force greater than herself. It makes her baby’s oval lips silent, before it’s attempted cry. The toddler’s pruned fingers twisted the cold water off, allowed hot water to spill; and now the boiling water tightens on the skin that lies prey-pink raw. He is a statue that burns, he sees out of blue eyes. tortured stare nembraces her. Frozen fingers are in limbo in this eternal pause, cementing her feet. Baby’s mouth is opened without the screech; time quit in the seconds that lived before a wail and attempt. Not perfect. Play with it.