regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 70.38.78.229	11-Apr-06/12:39 PM
Very graphic and tight.
Re: Letting go by Caducus	Dovina 70.38.78.229	11-Apr-06/12:45 PM
I almost laughed at the ending - the old-time style of it. The rest has some pretty good lines, but I don't think the funny spacing helps.
Re: The Peccadillary by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	ho_hum 86.140.106.218	11-Apr-06/2:04 PM
I can only imagine that in your claim that "To pretend to have had an affair with Shane Warne" refers to tabloid claims by a young lady that she misbehaved with him following day two of the Old Trafford test in the 2005 ashes series. I can assure you that this was no pretence, and while I have no proof that he slept with her, leaving the bar "Saltwater" in central Nottingham with said young lady in tow is circumstantial evidence enough. I know this because I was there, and I saw it with mine own two eyes. Watching the aforementioned Warne depart first ball the next day to a viscous Simon Jones lifter almost made me cry with laughter. 10. Dear Americans, I almost began to explain this comment but I'm not even going to try. xxx.
Re: Genesis by Dovina	Dovina 70.38.78.229	11-Apr-06/5:55 PM
Imagine it in the form of an old King James Bible – lines justified, serif font, huge “I” at the beginning – and read by a cantor in sanctimonious voice.
Re: a time of dynamics by Dental Panic	Dovina 70.38.78.229	11-Apr-06/6:02 PM
Since you are using punctuation, it's best to use it throughout. Comma after chrome, for one example. It sounds like quite a trip, beginning with the needle of light or the poison berries - hard to say which.
Re: Maybe I Wasn’t Born on a Fool’s Day by Dovina	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	12-Apr-06/5:45 AM
-10-
Re: Old River Sherbourne by Caducus	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	12-Apr-06/5:56 AM
Bluebells flower in Spring you dick.
Re: Genesis by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	12-Apr-06/8:25 AM
I think I'll just sit back and watch this one if you don't mind.
Re: College Bound by Miggy	drnick 141.218.35.109	12-Apr-06/10:40 AM
boring
Re: Maybe I Wasn’t Born on a Fool’s Day by Dovina	drnick 141.218.35.109	12-Apr-06/10:42 AM
Pretty good.
Re: Genesis by Dovina	drnick 141.218.35.109	12-Apr-06/10:49 AM
Sounds like a book of lies used to control the masses and explain what feble minds cannot comprehend that I once read. God sounds like an egotistical bastard, what makes Him so God damn perfect? I like it.
Re: Random Design by thepinkbunnyofdoom	drnick 141.218.35.109	12-Apr-06/10:56 AM
I agree with what has already been said, and I'd like to add that at the end of the 7th stanza, you should cut the last line: "Only it's not" as that is implied when you say "like a dream." I like the last stanza the most, very nice.
Re: Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	lmp 141.154.134.3	12-Apr-06/11:12 AM
pish, posh, a lot of noise on this one, wot? (had to put in a stuff line so my post won't be out of place...) as you know, ALChemy, i love the Sunshine poem. I do agree that this one needs a bit of tweaking, but what doesn't? i agree that the line about wine is a bit out of place. and that the moon reference is not barely there and i would not have known it but for your explanation. however, the sunshine does ride on the shoulders of the moon, else we would scarecely see the moon from our earthbound station. keep working on this one, please. as for the comments, take what you want and leave the rest, i say. if someone bashes your work, whatever. if they have something useful, great, otherwise ignore it.
Re: a dream by lmp	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	12-Apr-06/4:13 PM
A few minor nitpicks. Don't use "grassy knoll", it harks back to JFK's assasination. "Grassy mound" would work fine. Change "looked" to "seemed". The word look can be the act of looking or it can be just appearing to be and that duality in the word can for a second stumble the reader's train of thought. I think you meant "she waved HER arm" in the last stanza. Otherwise I think this is a very sweet fable and I can imagine telling this as a bedtime story to my niece. Yes, very heartwarming me thinks.
Re: Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	Dovina 70.38.78.229	12-Apr-06/5:27 PM
I'm trying to ignore all that's been said and read it as if new. I'm trying to see the moon in the morning, consoling the sun, and forgetting about your neice. If the moon is in the east in the morning, I think it has to be a thin crescent. Maybe it can console the sun no matter where it is in the sky, or even if it has set. It holds the sun even at night, so I guess proximity is not the point. I'm trying now to see the sun riding on the moon's shoulders, and them playing together in the rain. Again an eclipse comes to mind, but you mean it symbolically, I'm sure. Without further input, I would take it as whimsey or pure fascination with nature.
Re: a time of dynamics by Dental Panic	ecargo 167.219.88.140	13-Apr-06/6:39 AM
Fantastic in every sense of the word, DP.
regarding some deleted poem...	ecargo 167.219.88.140	13-Apr-06/6:44 AM
The descriptions are elegant and lovely, and there are some terrific lines throughout. Fourth stanza is probably my favorite. Nice.
Re: Face of Iran by Caducus	Caducus 86.141.200.191	13-Apr-06/7:49 AM
Anyone seen Threads?
Re: Face of Iran by Caducus	Dovina 70.38.78.229	13-Apr-06/9:25 AM
Why "dust"? Maybe "amps" or "watts"
Re: jay by ecargo	Dovina 70.38.78.229	13-Apr-06/9:27 AM
They are audacious!