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Letting go (Free verse) by Caducus She
was
my nettle
and dock leaf
my dinner break thoughts
on the swings and slides,
my Math class interruption
and every sunset shadow.
Not
anymore.
She
was
a veil of grey velvet
a tangible illusion
the warmth in blood
calm
storm
cigarette starlet
and now
she and i
are everything without each other
are miserable
happy
and i resemble
the head
of a roman statue
decapitated
staring at my body
being leered on by love tourists.
Up the ladder:
February Loneliness
Down the ladder:
Lovers leave their marks
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.75
Posted: December 19, 2002 2:31 AM PST; Last modified: April 11, 2006 3:12 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.089402 Overall Rank: 6247 Comments:
[n/a]
Caducus @ 86.141.200.191
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11-Apr-06/3:09 AM
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Reply
a change of style for me.
I think you might need some commas but maybe you meant to do omit them. Some of it gets a little hokey but some of the images like the last one are gems. Extra points for teaching me something about botany.
I almost laughed at the ending - the old-time style of it. The rest has some pretty good lines, but I don't think the funny spacing helps.
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