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February Loneliness (Other) by BenRice
Having escaped the town my feet pad along The lonely road. Ice oozes between The grey cobblestones of cracked macadam Into a quilt of puddles. Phony warmth Of February makes me slosh around. Ebony patches peek through ivory snow Awaiting the spring planting. A crow screams Atop a wire, his cries accusing me Of tramping through the Thumb's Snow covered woods, barely able to walk So bundled in layers and heavy boots, But the canopy of oak and maple Kept out the heavy snow; so I followed Not far behind, shuffling my little steps To your long strides, over stumps and through streams To a clearing where we crouched behind some brush. A call brought black flocks circling above us. The shotgun popped, not an expected blast; A shadow crumpled, fluttering, falling To land softly. Like a good retriever I found the game when the shooting had ceased. Death rolled back the crow's eyes, four points of red Stained the blackness shivering with the wind. We left the bird for the foxes to feast on. I see this maverick above me now, The two of us alone. He cries again, This time pleading with me to stay with him. A gust whips across snowy fields as I Quicken my pace to return home to friends.

Up the ladder: Elegy
Down the ladder: Letting go

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.75
Weighted score: 5.089402
Overall Rank: 6248
Posted: December 17, 2002 11:19 PM PST; Last modified: December 17, 2002 11:19 PM PST
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Comments:
[7] Caducus @ 62.105.88.10 | 18-Dec-02/2:13 AM | Reply
We've had A Hitchcock invasion of crows in the last few days, liked the last 7-8 lines -7-
[8] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 | 18-Dec-02/7:36 AM | Reply
what is the relationship of the retriever to the shooter?
[n/a] BenRice @ 65.242.206.130 > <~> | 18-Dec-02/8:34 AM | Reply
son to father though I suppose it could be read as grandson to grandfather
[8] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 > BenRice | 18-Dec-02/8:38 AM | Reply
these lines confuse that connection, making him seem like he is not a pert of 'home':

This time pleading with me to stay with him.
A gust whips across snowy fields as I
Quicken my pace to return home to friends.
[n/a] BenRice @ 65.242.206.130 > <~> | 18-Dec-02/9:44 AM | Reply
'To your long strides' = the father. The second person.

'I see this maverick above me now...
This time pleading with me to stay with him.' = the crow. The third person.

Maybe it's this 'The two of us alone...' that confuses the issue. Where is the father? Dead? Wasn't thinking that when I wrote it.
[8] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 > BenRice | 18-Dec-02/12:05 PM | Reply
yes, i figured the long strider was an adult male, but i saw no clue to indicate kinship.

the 'maverick above' made me think the long strider was a single man, and the boy was tagging along, and could not understand why he would plead for the kid to stay with him. i didn't get at all that the maverick was the crow. and why would he plead for the boy to stay, since the boy had been involved in the shooting of the other crow? not directly, but by his presence, he was complicit in the murder of the crow.

'the two alone' reads to me as just the humans being left.

can this be worked out?
why are they hunting crows anyway?
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