Re: Semaphores from the Chaos by cyan9	zodiac 209.193.18.201	9-Apr-06/4:42 PM
Semaphores.
Re: The One by deval1516	Dovina 12.72.34.176	9-Apr-06/7:48 PM
Like a diary entry. Nothing wrong with the feelings you have, just that they are not expressed so as to be interesting to anyone who is not poersonally involved with the situation.
regarding some deleted poem...	Caducus 86.141.200.191	10-Apr-06/1:29 AM
Dreamlike images and you painted S.P. like a scene from a snow globe. Made me want to watch Mr Scissorhands with the coal fire burning. Lovely.
Re: Maybe I Wasn’t Born on a Fool’s Day by Dovina	Caducus 86.141.200.191	10-Apr-06/1:30 AM
No fool then lol. Fun read score -
Re: Morning City by Jack Diamond	Caducus 86.141.200.191	10-Apr-06/1:32 AM
Reminds me of an early 'intransit' style poetry yet the confidence in your writing shows and its very stylistic. Like your bebut (well for me anyway)
regarding some deleted poem...	Caducus 86.141.200.191	10-Apr-06/3:53 AM
Crafty opening line becasue i did listen and read and the Ahhhh moment was worth waiting for.
Re: The copper man and Labrador by Caducus	Caducus 86.141.200.191	10-Apr-06/7:07 AM
How dare the barrister be knocked off top spot i self vote a zero.
Re: The copper man and Labrador by Caducus	Caducus 86.141.200.191	10-Apr-06/7:07 AM
okay someone else do it i cant.
Re: Buried by Enkidu	ecargo 167.219.88.140	10-Apr-06/7:18 AM
You don't set this up enough--it needs more context and story. Second verse is better than the first.
Re: Morning City by Jack Diamond	ecargo 167.219.88.140	10-Apr-06/7:23 AM
Pretty good--a little staccato in the beginning. Good details though.
Re: Maybe I Wasn’t Born on a Fool’s Day by Dovina	ecargo 167.219.88.140	10-Apr-06/7:38 AM
Cute, D. Every mother's nightmare. ;)
Re: Semaphores from the Chaos by cyan9	ecargo 167.219.88.140	10-Apr-06/7:44 AM
I generally like your imagery, cyan, but I always think there's lots you can cut or condense (e.g., "Flash shots of landscapes made from acsii characters"--why not just "Flash shots of ascii landscapes"? "Made from" -- just bleh words, dilutes the image.) Why the shift in tenses (past perfect to simple past) from the first stanza to the rest and back again in the last? Just makes it seem confused. "Alured" is not a word. Still, not bad.
Re: Random Design by thepinkbunnyofdoom	ecargo 167.219.88.140	10-Apr-06/7:47 AM
Curtains and seas and wolves, oh my! Ambitious, but comes across a bit pedantic and pseudo-profound (that sounds meaner than I mean it--sorry bunny). I think that with more cohesive imagery and a clearer, more defined focus, this would improve. Still, kudos for takin on the big stuff. You come closest, I think, in the last three stanzas--much to grab onto and identify with.
Re: Maybe I Wasn’t Born on a Fool’s Day by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	10-Apr-06/3:41 PM
"B-b-b-b-b-baaad, b-b-b-b-b-bad, bad to the bone..." Nice Blues. :)
Re: Narcolepsy by Sunny	Dovina 70.38.78.229	10-Apr-06/7:11 PM
I think it’s best to avoid the “there is” construction, especially at the beginning. Try, “Red sky peers through the shutters.” Maybe you really mean “Shudders” but I find it difficult. Also, it’s a bit wordy. Try “He nods off to my tense afterthoughts” in S2, for example. Many phrases can be shortened and thereby made stronger. At first his uncontrollable urge to sleep, per the title, came through, but the meaning faded til the end.
Re: Narcolepsy by Sunny	zodiac 209.193.9.3	10-Apr-06/7:23 PM
"shudders" - heh. This poem isn't about narcolepsy at all.
Re: The Battle of Fort Bragg by Dovina	zodiac 209.193.9.3	10-Apr-06/8:02 PM
To go back to Occam for a minute: This morning, if you are like most people, you woke up and took a piss. Why did you take a piss? The simplest explanation is that your bladder filled up while you slept with liquids you'd drunk the night before. Yes, you could also say that God made you piss, and that could be true. But the first explanation makes sense, is predictable, and follows certain basic rules, such as that liquids can't just disappear. The God explanation requires, yes, assumptions. These are: 1. God exists, 2. God has the power to make you piss, and 3. God is interested in whether or not you piss. To say the least. None of these is certain or even proveable, WHETHER OR NOT they're true. Occam says that, for the purposes of studying and predicting results, the God-made-me-piss explanation is unnecessary, unuseful (except for getting into Heaven, yes), and even harmful if, for example, you're trying to predict when you're going to need to piss and ignoring the properties of full bladders. This is THE ONLY THING OCCAM'S RAZOR SAYS. Everything else that has been suggested about Occam here is nonsense.
Re: Letting go by Caducus	Caducus 86.141.200.191	11-Apr-06/3:09 AM
a change of style for me.
Re: Letting go by Caducus	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	11-Apr-06/5:48 AM
I think you might need some commas but maybe you meant to do omit them. Some of it gets a little hokey but some of the images like the last one are gems. Extra points for teaching me something about botany.
regarding some deleted poem...	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	11-Apr-06/6:12 AM
The real killers shot themselves in the library with no prom queen. Although Colonel Mustard may have been near by.