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Semaphores from the Chaos (Free verse) by cyan9
And Oh how I had begged for heaven's help, And Oh how I had been abandoned here. Averting my gaze from the usual oncoming barrage, The waves of greyscale portraits, pixelated visions, Flash shots of landscapes made from acsii characters. Neural pathways developed to match patterns in this place. In brief patches of darkness and respite from white noise That dominated and held reign to my senses, Confused and played games with me, I found another world further within. Gasping and gargling on soapy water, The planet where I had been, Just appeared as a tiny speck In the floating stars, The distant galaxies. I was back again in my bathtub, Back from the lure of my dreams. Recollecting the days events That lead me to this reprieve I remember now submerging, Calming the breathing, Down into Sleep. I had been going here for weeks now, But never had I quite been for this long In the shade where I had found myself this week. I slowly became alured to tilt my head back Beneath the suds, back into my sunken dream.

Up the ladder: Jerome Hill

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Arithmetic Mean: 2.5
Weighted score: 4.8814354
Overall Rank: 9991
Posted: April 9, 2006 1:50 PM PDT; Last modified: April 12, 2006 10:25 AM PDT
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Comments:
[n/a] zodiac @ 209.193.18.201 | 9-Apr-06/4:42 PM | Reply
Semaphores.
[n/a] cyan9 @ 217.40.63.105 > zodiac | 10-Apr-06/2:22 AM | Reply
I go for a short break, and when I come back I find that you are as pedantic as ever
[n/a] zodiac @ 209.193.9.3 > cyan9 | 10-Apr-06/6:56 AM | Reply
I only said one word.
[n/a] cyan9 @ 213.208.113.137 > zodiac | 12-Apr-06/10:25 AM | Reply
It was the way you said it
[n/a] zodiac @ 209.193.9.3 > cyan9 | 10-Apr-06/7:24 PM | Reply
Silly, pedantic me. It's still misspelled.
[n/a] cyan9 @ 213.208.113.137 > zodiac | 12-Apr-06/10:25 AM | Reply
Touchy as ever
[8] ecargo @ 167.219.88.140 | 10-Apr-06/7:44 AM | Reply
I generally like your imagery, cyan, but I always think there's lots you can cut or condense (e.g., "Flash shots of landscapes made from acsii characters"--why not just "Flash shots of ascii landscapes"? "Made from" -- just bleh words, dilutes the image.) Why the shift in tenses (past perfect to simple past) from the first stanza to the rest and back again in the last? Just makes it seem confused. "Alured" is not a word. Still, not bad.
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