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a time of dynamics (Free verse) by Dental Panic
and on a table of chrome they pushed a needle into you – loaded with rays of light it made you fly – fly away from your province, along the Northern Canal, over the Revolving Sea, Satchel City and the long line of islands from your skinnylegged youth. This was unequaled – this flying – slashing through the sky – falling – rising – backwards and stretched like a pen to the word: THUD! Yes, you know this neighbourhood, these bashful houses, intimidated by the bookhawkers that come to sell Cook or Vasco Da Gama – you peek over the gutter, spit in the pool, the blue fire shines, the pipes whizz, the whole world can go to hell – thus they found you, on the roof, still smelling of the poison berries

Up the ladder: Missing - You
Down the ladder: cat

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Arithmetic Mean: 9.0
Weighted score: 5.476812
Overall Rank: 2826
Posted: April 11, 2006 5:25 PM PDT; Last modified: April 11, 2006 5:25 PM PDT
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Comments:
[7] Dovina @ 70.38.78.229 | 11-Apr-06/6:02 PM | Reply
Since you are using punctuation, it's best to use it throughout. Comma after chrome, for one example.

It sounds like quite a trip, beginning with the needle of light or the poison berries - hard to say which.
[10] ecargo @ 167.219.88.140 | 13-Apr-06/6:39 AM | Reply
Fantastic in every sense of the word, DP.
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