poemranker ::a time of dynamics by Dental Panic

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 142213

a time of dynamics

Member since 2005 · Posted 11 Apr 2006 · 2 comments

and on a table of chrome they pushed a needle into you – loaded with rays of light it made you fly – fly away from your province, along the Northern Canal, over the Revolving Sea, Satchel City and the long line of islands from your skinnylegged youth. This was unequaled – this flying – slashing through the sky – falling – rising – backwards and stretched like a pen to the word: THUD! Yes, you know this neighbourhood, these bashful houses, intimidated by the bookhawkers that come to sell Cook or Vasco Da Gama – you peek over the gutter, spit in the pool, the blue fire shines, the pipes whizz, the whole world can go to hell – thus they found you, on the roof, still smelling of the poison berries

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 9.00 weighted 5.48 rank 2822 views 202 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

2 comments

[7] Dovina 11-Apr-06/6:02 PM Reply
Since you are using punctuation, it's best to use it throughout. Comma after chrome, for one example.

It sounds like quite a trip, beginning with the needle of light or the poison berries - hard to say which.
[10] ecargo 13-Apr-06/6:39 AM Reply
Fantastic in every sense of the word, DP.