Replying to a comment on:

a time of dynamics (Free verse) by Dental Panic

and on a table of chrome they pushed a needle into you – loaded with rays of light it made you fly – fly away from your province, along the Northern Canal, over the Revolving Sea, Satchel City and the long line of islands from your skinnylegged youth. This was unequaled – this flying – slashing through the sky – falling – rising – backwards and stretched like a pen to the word: THUD! Yes, you know this neighbourhood, these bashful houses, intimidated by the bookhawkers that come to sell Cook or Vasco Da Gama – you peek over the gutter, spit in the pool, the blue fire shines, the pipes whizz, the whole world can go to hell – thus they found you, on the roof, still smelling of the poison berries

Dovina 11-Apr-06/6:02 PM
Since you are using punctuation, it's best to use it throughout. Comma after chrome, for one example.

It sounds like quite a trip, beginning with the needle of light or the poison berries - hard to say which.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001