amanda_dcosta
on up upon by the indign
14 Jul 2006, 6:28 PM
Cool.
A cry of desparation! You've brought it out well.
Wonderfully worded.
ALChemy
on Selkie (An Antique of Lurid Partes - w/Girl on Girl Action!) by ecargo
13 Jul 2006, 7:02 PM
It's all about the finish with the long ones and this one is orgasmic.
A nice fancy. Dreamy.
some deleted user
on Selkie (An Antique of Lurid Partes - w/Girl on Girl Action!) by ecargo
14 Jul 2006, 12:49 AM
It's work like this that makes reading poemranker worthwhile--an absolute diamond.
Please stop writing about me.
*falls off chair laughing*
Sorry.... not my cup of tea.
Love it. Only crit is that the penultimate line seems a little short - I'd change it to "to answer all the/crackling calls". Other than that, super.
A nice scene, the trees.. the shadows...
It's cool how you emphasize on a few things and make a poem out of it. It would be better with a title though.
An appealing idea, but I think it could be better without the sound of bitterness. It has a didactic tone that tries to push the reader into a certain position. Why 33 coins, rather than the original 30?
It is so pathetic to see that you managed to get only three votes over a period of three days.... Are we the only ones who log onto PR? I wish there was something we could do about it.
It was not the last day of your life, but could have been. But how were you to know? I believe you mean "through," not "though." "Whims . . ." is a line that be scratched, I think. Otherwise good. But I think some hint would be in order as to why the narrator thinks it could be the last day.
This is a good description. If it was a metaphor for something it would be amazing but it seems to not be attached to any thing specific except a row of trees. Maybe a title like "State Park" or something would help give it more of a setting.
It is quite interesting to see how your thoughts on the topic led you. I'm also impressed by the way Alchemy has brought about another presentation on this. Actually, apart from the 33 pieces (which is obviously a mistake), I like your poem.
I esp like the phrases....shrilling in a noosed bag, whispering forgiveness, Hells pendulum creaked
like Pilateâs chair, and also the last three lines.
Ranger
on Selkie (An Antique of Lurid Partes - w/Girl on Girl Action!) by ecargo
13 Jul 2006, 1:57 PM
"soaring tree"..."suitor's serenade to start"..."liquid eyes and liquid grace"..."nightjade surging sea" -- you are almost certainly the sexiest person I've never seen...this puts everything I've written thus far to shame.
P.S. - you didn't read my latin villanelle. It'll be your kind of thing, methinks ;-)
DUDE! The triumphant return! How the devil are you? Last I heard you'd arrived home from someplace in India and were residing in the cold, damp North - whatever possessed you to lurch off there? And, more importantly, are you back in the vicinity of the Shire now?
Typo last line: - embrace.
Good to see you back