regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 70.38.78.229	14-Jul-06/7:38 PM
I'm sorry you said, near the end, that the car has dual controls. Up to there I imagined you on his lap in a fine rainy day romp along an Indian lane.
regarding some deleted poem...	ALChemy 209.23.202.76	14-Jul-06/9:24 PM
You should end with something more ambiguous than the last 3 lines, maybe with just something like "Thank you God" that way the poem can also be symbolic of a liberated woman. It's an adorable little story by the way. :-)
Re: forever it was you by the indign	madamefrufru 89.240.138.243	15-Jul-06/2:39 AM
An obvious poem but It doesnt mean I didnt enjoy it. nice
regarding some deleted poem...	madamefrufru 89.240.138.243	15-Jul-06/2:42 AM
nice to read a new subject. Dont forget you wont alway have divine intervention on the roads!
Re: Memories of modernism by madamefrufru	amanda_dcosta 202.164.140.187	15-Jul-06/3:44 AM
This reads more like a summary-in-a-nut-shell piece. Or in fact it doesn't read much like a poem. You've got what you want to present, but in my opinion, your presentation needs fixing.
Re: PHOTO by madamefrufru	amanda_dcosta 202.164.140.187	15-Jul-06/3:48 AM
This I must admit is much better than your previous post. This has character and some good phrases. It is a good read.
Re: forever it was you by the indign	amanda_dcosta 202.164.140.187	15-Jul-06/6:54 PM
Sounds very sweet and so in love. But I can't understand , if you were so in love how come you never did anything to prove it to her. and you've resigned yourself to that fate.... Think about it...it'slike you've never really done anything about it but watch her all the time.... maybe she needed more from you.
Re: ENIGMA, WONDER, BEASTLINESS AND FURY by Gopakumar	amanda_dcosta 202.164.140.187	15-Jul-06/7:01 PM
First of all... welcome to poemranker Gopakumar. Hope you enjoy this site and all the critiques that you'll come across. To begin with this piece.... I don't fancy this sort of repetitive style much. However, I'll set that aside and say, that you've got an idea of what you want to write and it's presentation is fairly good.
Re: I'm Learning To Drive by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 202.164.138.155	16-Jul-06/8:22 AM
To those who have read and critiqued this poem...... sorry, but I accidently deleted this poem while trying to edit it.
Re: August 23, 1944 - 102 miles west of Paris by Ranger	cleverdevice 86.140.151.122	16-Jul-06/8:56 AM
Nice work bro. Made me feel I was there, burning documents that implicated my superiors roles in 'The Final Solution'. No seriously, awesome stuff. The Falaise Gap was one of the most shocking and horrific scenes in all the war. This evokes what I imagine it would have been like once it was eventually quiet.
Re: I'm Learning To Drive by amanda_dcosta	Dovina 12.72.35.62	16-Jul-06/5:58 PM
My comment on the deleted one was a bit snide: “I'm sorry you said, near the end, that the car has dual controls. Up to there I imagined you on his lap in a fine rainy day romp along an Indian lane.” Striving this time to inflict wounds of a friend, please take a few goddess stabs at an angel: Trees sway. The heavens storm. I’m sitting at the wheel, driving to drum beats of thunder while the instructor watches. ‘Left indicator, brake a little,’ he commands… I clutch and find first gear, move on slowly… there’s a hump ahead clutch again and shift to two, accelerate a bit, almost confident, I shift to three and speed on. I shift to the fourth, speed away, confident now, I forget he’s there. I thrill at being in control, transferred to a world of my own, till I come to a junction; the rain’s pouring, and I don’t know how to stop. My instructor suddenly presses the brakes.. and then I realize he’s got the controls on his side too, and I’m saved in the nick of time. Lord, how could I forget You’re in control of my life?
Re: The Song of Summer Youth (II) by cleverdevice	CherokeeRoseLoggins 67.140.224.214	16-Jul-06/11:16 PM
It needs a few more commas at the end of some of the verses, but other than that, a very good read and an excellent write.
Re: The Clock and the Storm by cleverdevice	Ranger 86.131.48.111	17-Jul-06/12:09 AM
This is good but I'd have preferred it if either it had been written freely without constraining yourself to the 4-line stanzas - something like: Daring to speak, the house groans Memories of past battles The trees in the field, brushed aside Cowed by screams of anger... ...or retain the stanzas but make it rhyme, Kipling-style. Then it would be superb, because you've got the content almost spot on. Just a few less words in places, not that I'm in a position to complain about people being wordy ;-)
Re: Intro by MacFrantic	Ranger 86.131.48.111	17-Jul-06/12:11 AM
Ha!
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 86.131.48.111	17-Jul-06/12:28 AM
Hmm, well I don't want to sound rude but this has been done a million times before, mostly on poemranker. Seriously, the 'loneliness-pain-death' theme could not be more overused. If you do think it's a subject you want to write about then please please please find a more original way of saying it. Have a read around poemranker, 50% of the poems on here contain more or less the same content as this, and that makes it boring for those few of us who actually read what's posted. If you really want to grab the reader's attention, give them something unique, clever and surprising. Read through a few dozen of the poems here in the lower half, note the recurring themes/phrases/words and avoid them at all costs. I'm not joking - count how many other pieces contain 'tears', 'loneliness', 'heart', 'pain', 'hurt' and 'fear'. You'll see what I mean; after reading a few they all start to blend into one and aren't interesting. Or if you don't want to read through all those poems, read the definition of 'pimple poem' given on the ranker. Same applies to rhyming - be inventive. You don't have to rhyme exactly; half rhymes, loose rhymes, rhymes that aren't at the end of the line all work superbly when well crafted. It'll then mean that you don't have to use 'splattered'. Alternatively, you could have switched the lines around there to be 'It never really mattered/For I have said all that has been'. They are actually the best two lines in the poem. Unfortunately I can't stay any longer, I hope this is ultimately of some use to you with your writing.
Re: Go Figure by MacFrantic	D. $ Fontera 71.208.105.201	17-Jul-06/2:34 AM
oh poemranker, so easily swayed, no way this is #1, and I wrote it.
Re: Intro by MacFrantic	amanda_dcosta 202.164.138.155	17-Jul-06/4:17 AM
Cool.
regarding some deleted poem...	amanda_dcosta 202.164.138.155	17-Jul-06/4:28 AM
CRL... I can see that you do write well. Unfortunately for me, I quite dislike the themes that are of darkness, death, lifelessness.... as opposed to love and life. Apart from that, it's seems like any other ordinary write that's commonly found around here. One thing that I've learnt on PR these past 7 months is that it's okay to begin this way as long as one keeps in mind that good critiquing actually comes along. It has worked for me. So please take this in good spirit when I say that you have to improve on your presentation style, not wanting to stick mainly to the rhyming scheme. I know you have it in you and I look forward to more of your poems. Till your next... cheers!
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 12.72.34.31	17-Jul-06/6:04 AM
During a debate a month or so ago, I said that if you would post a poem, I would give an honest review, not some outburst of slanders as you perceive to have received before. Having read this and the above comments, I can add little to what they have said. I agree with Ranger and Amanda. But I would like to add something about your coming to the conclusion that “It really has never mattered” – all you have tried to accomplish, all you have done to make them see. This is a wonderful place to be, because when you know that to carry on is not for them, not for what anyone recognizes, but only for its own sake, then it begins to make sense. Art springs from a position of not caring what they think, much more than by pandering to their wishes. If you are really in a place where you can proceed, not caring what anybody thinks about it, then art can begin. I think something outside myself kicks in then.
regarding some deleted poem...	CherokeeRoseLoggins 67.140.224.214	17-Jul-06/10:57 AM
These emotions are felt by many others, and I know this. I also know there are many various poems in relation to these emotions. But the one for which this poem was actually written for, is no longer alive. He shot himself in the head with a shotgun, leaving his brains slpattered on the wall. Unfortunately his young son was the one who found him. When a person writes concerning suicide like this, sometimes it is a cry for help. When a person is concidering suicide, it is not themself they really want to kill, but the to stop the hurt and pain. When one is reaching out for help, they do not need to be critsized, for it could lead them to take action then and there. The same as pulling the trigger for them. I am glad I was not reaching out for help here. First find out if the person is actualy feeling this, or just wrote it in reference to suicide. As for the comments made, no offense taken.