Re: Paradise by oneglove	Dovina 70.38.78.229	3-Aug-06/5:03 PM
I found a glove along the road and wonder if it’s yours. It’s worn and soiled, but soft of leather and pliable when worn. Finding its mate would be like looking into eyes I never expect to meet, and would surely cause my legs to refuse to move. Though I might think, “beauty gazing down from above” I would not say it, for coyness’ sake. Nor would I agree so readily to madly love, when so much time remains to savor it. And I would spell it, “Manhattan.”
Re: When Gravity Unmakes You by Enkidu	Dovina 70.38.78.229	3-Aug-06/5:07 PM
The gravity image seems awkward in this setting, since gravity would drop the person rapidly into the fire. And why would the devil object to the "game"? I'm voting 10 only to balance the obnoxious Edna.
Re: On the subject of being poor by Stephen Robins	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	4-Aug-06/1:15 AM
Craig Charles
Re: Paradise by oneglove	oneglove 198.99.250.82	4-Aug-06/5:42 AM
i suppose i will explain this poem a bit, it was inspired by On the Road. As a nod to the book it was written stream of conscience and the last line and some of the imagery about the eyes are from the book (it is also named after the narrator). i liked that after 300 pages of traveling sal falls in love and settles down in a couple sentences. so this was an exploration of that moment, a revision would almost definitely help it because it was written so quickly, and sorry for misspelling manhattan.
Re: eat what you want. by burgerking33	oneglove 198.99.250.82	4-Aug-06/6:44 AM
go on girl, i like reading this in a whispery voice like i'm in nkotb
Re: Children of Wolves by Caducus	Caducus 86.137.20.84	5-Aug-06/1:43 AM
Anyone read Birthday letters?
Re: Forest by the Sea by Dovina	amanda_dcosta 202.164.140.158	6-Aug-06/9:40 AM
I like the accidental rhymes. It keeps the tempo going. and the idea of the poem is good too.
Re: Forest by the Sea by Dovina	some deleted user 64.140.227.180	6-Aug-06/5:01 PM
I like this alot Dovina--the rhythm, the imagery. It starts out well, and as far as i'm concerned the last two stanzas really bring it home.
Re: Forest by the Sea by Dovina	ALChemy 71.75.188.163	7-Aug-06/4:51 AM
This really captures the feel of wasted potential with the images of the crewless ships tethered. Like Rodin's Thinker in that way. This is pure poetry.
Re: How To Ride a Bicycle by Dovina	amanda_dcosta 202.164.140.158	7-Aug-06/8:58 AM
D. I find this cool and amusing, esp.the last four lines. It amazes me of how you think of simple things and express them in poetry.
Re: Children of Wolves by Caducus	Dovina 12.72.36.53	7-Aug-06/11:49 AM
Sylvia Plath, her life after death lived in her two children, her husband hearing the wolves at night – it must have been a baby-step to 'life after death.' You nailed it where she birthed another her. “It,” referring apparently to the baby is common usage, but degrading I think, where “she” would better serve.
regarding some deleted poem...	ecargo 167.219.88.140	7-Aug-06/12:50 PM
Nice to see you again, DP. Your poems are unfailingly interesting and fresh, compelling. Painterly, even. This has movement; "turn and turn about and rest"; conclusion that comes off without being dully judgmental or self-important (which is what many confuse with a good ending to a poem--nothing more boring . . . but I digress). I'm always a big fan of adverbial (and prepositional) clauses as a beginning; I find they drop us right into the middle of the action, as a good short form generally should, rather than barely relevant exposition that does nothing but pretend to set the scene and usually in the dullest way possible. Your "as if" beginning hurls us into the messiness and the overwhelming scale of the image of destruction very effectively. A little muddled, maybe--why "halfway decided?" The first colon works for me--the "as if" phrase setting up the image of the city as "an ash gray, greasy Tuesday." I wonder if you need "eternal Mardi Gras?" "Eternal" anything smacks of cliche at this point; it's one of those overused phrases. And I like the idea of "ash grey greasy Tuesday" standing on its own and suggesting Mardi Gras. Last stanza's a treat (though I quibble with your break--"destruction" carried over comes off as a bit of trickery, I think, and a full stop might work better before "Lower Ninth"). "The bankrupt of abstraction" seems off grammatically; maybe just "Bankrupt abstraction"? Last line is terrific, pulls it all together perfectly. I really like it.
Re: How To Ride a Bicycle by Dovina	patty t 70.30.185.161	7-Aug-06/6:35 PM
this is wonderful
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 12.72.36.168	7-Aug-06/8:46 PM
I have never bicycled with an umbrella. Is it anything like hang-gliding? A period after "head" is my assumption in saying that; but if the implied period is after "hour," with a comma after "head," then I am all wet. Punctuation would definitely help. But hang gliding may have taken this mind-wanderer to that good description of the Sahara, notwithstanding "technicolour kaleidoscope," which sounds a bit cliche. I think the multiple negatives, like "nor can't not" only twist it away from readability. Still its a good mind trip.
Re: I wish I was a chav by Stephen Robins	Shuushin 63.167.136.250	8-Aug-06/11:19 AM
a ending would be nice.
Re: A Night out With Chaucer by cleverdevice	Shuushin 63.167.136.250	8-Aug-06/11:25 AM
brylliante
Re: ODE TO NICHOLAS JONES III by lukehanney	Edna Sweetlove 81.179.106.108	8-Aug-06/4:24 PM
Boring drivel. My cat writes better poetry.
Re: ITS A SHAMBLES by lukehanney	Edna Sweetlove 81.179.106.108	8-Aug-06/4:27 PM
Dreary working class rubbish. How I rejoice that the scum filth ugly white van proletarian English football yobs saw their vile and pathetic dreams CRUSHED to fucking pulp earlier this year. We pray for their drunklen deaths.
Re: Ode to Nicholas Jones by lukehanney	Edna Sweetlove 81.179.106.108	8-Aug-06/4:29 PM
Garbage.
Re: Skellington Bakery by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	Lenore 64.252.110.247	8-Aug-06/7:55 PM
You DO Love me! You really DO Love me! *swoon*