wDaphnew
on Hobo. [The redux revision] by SupremeDreamer
31 Dec 2011, 8:47 AM
This poem made me shit with joy and is a lovely piece. It is so good I think you should post it at my new website: http://www.newpoetryshared.proboards.com !
This is a crappy poem. It is so bad I think you should post it at my new website: http://www.newpoetryshared.proboards.com !
If you have the guts to do so.
Fucking tripe. This is a piece of shit and is so good I think you should post it at my new website: http://www.newpoetryshared.proboards.com !
Drivel and so pretentious I think you should post it at my new website: http://www.newpoetryshared.proboards.com !
Totally illiterate. You must be a moron or a retard. This is an appalling poem. It is so dreadful I think you should post it at my new website: http://www.newpoetryshared.proboards.com !
Total garbage - This is a worthless poem. It is so dreary I think you should post it at my new website: http://www.newpoetryshared.proboards.com !
Genius! Well, no, it's fucking rubbish. This is a skanky poem. It is so good I think you should post it at my new website: http://www.newpoetryshared.proboards.com !
Puerile horsehit and so worthlessw I think you should post it at my new website: http://www.newpoetryshared.proboards.com !
Delightful. Come and join me at http://www.newpoetryshared.proboards.com !
horse piss.
great stuff
fabulous shit.
I pissed myself with laughter. Please join my website so we can laugh at your worthless tripe. http://www.newpoetryshared.proboards.com - come on and join, you cunt.
total horse manure.
i don't think i saw this poem's earlier versions. i like what you did with the imagery, though, much tighter than the lines SD commented on. i'm not sure i understand what you did with the seasons. it looks like the stanzas are fall-summer-spring, is the backward progression of the seasons intentional?
i'm assuming this is at least partly autobiographical. it's thought-provoking and sounds genuine, the pro and con of the post-breakup drunk text. the last time i felt like doing that texting was in its infancy and she didn't have a cell phone. when you're in the mood, i'd suggest paring down the adjectives so it hits harder and faster.
wtf....moronic
excuse my ignorance....but isn't this already a poem/ballad? as you say by nick cave? If that's the case then what it this?
nice ...but..your breaks are off a little...
if i'd thought
i wouldn't see you again
i would not have stopped
at the elevator