| Re: The Pole and the Shadow by Dovina |
Crakyamuni 131.252.231.145 |
20-Aug-06/4:07 PM |
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This feels like lightning in a bottle/ pure soliloquy.
vibrant beautiful thank you
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| Re: Jeeves Garcia by Crakyamuni |
Crakyamuni 131.252.231.220 |
21-Aug-06/8:55 AM |
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| Re: A Tragic Love Tryst In The Park Near The Sewage Works by Edna Sweetlove |
Engelbert Humpalot 194.154.22.54 |
21-Aug-06/9:52 AM |
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Exquisite. Sublime. Wonderful. I like it.
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| Re: Generosity Is A Funny Thing by Edna Sweetlove |
Engelbert Humpalot 194.154.22.54 |
21-Aug-06/9:54 AM |
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Yes I hate those begegrs. Smash 'em in the face if I were brave enough!
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| Re: Old Friends by sliver |
Engelbert Humpalot 194.154.22.54 |
21-Aug-06/9:55 AM |
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Not at all bad. Well done!
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| Re: A Sexy Crucifixion Poem by Edna Sweetlove |
creepshow 70.59.81.76 |
21-Aug-06/5:53 PM |
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Finally something with some fucking emotion, and something that screams red colors flashing your eyes grabbing attention to it...beautiful. And how true that there is such pleasant ecstacy in sheer agony...even if it is super cheesy and dirrrty...lol. You rock!
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| Re: Ode to necrophilia by Bobjim |
creepshow 70.59.81.76 |
21-Aug-06/6:01 PM |
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Any form of necrophilia is good and pleasant and beautiful..The odors...ah, so noxious it is vibrantly erotic, kissing blue pale lips, cold and hard...anyways, great stuff, but this is just bare bones...You need more MEAT, and substance (potatoes)...my suggestion is this: go into the graveyard at night, and just sit there for a while, inhale the air, poke around, let the dead give you mental stimulation...then come back and tell us all about your exploits about necrophilia...God bless you, 666!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Dovina 70.38.78.229 |
21-Aug-06/6:22 PM |
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I especially like: "where a chorus of empty coathangers dress me in naked truths." But it should be "dresses."
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| Re: Jeeves Garcia by Crakyamuni |
Dovina 70.38.78.229 |
21-Aug-06/6:31 PM |
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Well, I think you could said it less than half as many words. And to be called a prose poem, it should contain some of the poetic elements, though nobody seems clear on how far this should go. Try rewriting it without the repetition, for starters. Then look for stuff that doesn't really pertain to the story. I think it could become quite good.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Dovina 70.38.78.229 |
21-Aug-06/6:37 PM |
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It sounds like a description of a drug trip. And the "ironies" described as "ludicrous" seem like dreams. So the epiphany at the end is hard to accept.
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| Re: Me 2, Nature 0 by rnuk |
amanda_dcosta 202.164.140.158 |
22-Aug-06/6:49 AM |
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I wouldn't say that this was very impressive although you were trying to get a point across.
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| Re: An All-American Fairy by Edna Sweetlove |
amanda_dcosta 202.164.140.158 |
22-Aug-06/6:51 AM |
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| Re: Watcher by creepshow |
amanda_dcosta 202.164.140.158 |
22-Aug-06/6:52 AM |
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too melancholy and depressing.
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| Re: A Poem For George Bush by Edna Sweetlove |
Sing4Jesus! 87.80.134.60 |
23-Aug-06/9:43 AM |
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| Re: Southern Baptist Redneck Song by Edna Sweetlove |
Sing4Jesus! 87.80.134.60 |
23-Aug-06/9:44 AM |
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| Re: An All-American Fairy by Edna Sweetlove |
Sing4Jesus! 87.80.134.60 |
23-Aug-06/9:44 AM |
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| Re: A Tragic Love Tryst In The Park Near The Sewage Works by Edna Sweetlove |
Sing4Jesus! 87.80.134.60 |
23-Aug-06/9:45 AM |
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| Re: Memories Of Home by Edna Sweetlove |
Sing4Jesus! 87.80.134.60 |
23-Aug-06/9:45 AM |
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| Re: A Sexy Crucifixion Poem by Edna Sweetlove |
Sing4Jesus! 87.80.134.60 |
23-Aug-06/9:46 AM |
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Jesus farts TWICE for you!
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| Re: Let's praise great Britannia's golden days of now and then by Edna Sweetlove |
Sing4Jesus! 87.80.134.60 |
23-Aug-06/9:46 AM |
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