Re: "Twee" by Ranger	Fayt 71.166.77.211	30-Sep-06/11:19 PM
I like this, its fun. ^_^
regarding some deleted poem...	Fayt 71.166.77.211	30-Sep-06/11:21 PM
Neat topic. i like.
Re: A Perfectly Normal Man by Dovina	dvincent 71.109.114.41	1-Oct-06/10:21 AM
This is very nice. Well thought out and very lyrical. And even though it has a tenderness to it, you've managed to NOT get overly personal and self-indulgent. It has a nice, professional detachment to to it. Great work!
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 62.252.32.15	1-Oct-06/1:45 PM
The final stanza is great - 'the ghosts of previous conquests'. I felt throughout, though, that it could do with being a bit more concise. For instance, the first stanza (third line in particular) is really just prose. There are some good images in here (whisky sweat) and some cliched ones too (star-spangled). It would have more impact without the cliches. 'Proto-hero' - I like, but again, that stanza is more or less prose with extra line breaks. I also wonder whether you could capture the impact of the cocaine without referring to it directly? Give us the clues, make us work it out. That all being said, though, the story is solid and there are some nice passages in here. And, as I said, the last line is magnificent. Welcome to poemranker :-)
regarding some deleted poem...	Fugazi 172.189.246.92	1-Oct-06/2:33 PM
Thank you for your honest words, I must admit that the prose parts were intended, I was trying to blend prose and poetic items into one. I wasn't sure if I had achieved it though.
Re: The Natural Course of Fear by half.italian	dvincent 71.109.114.41	1-Oct-06/3:20 PM
Two phrases bother me in this poem. "Raspberry tingle" is hard to grasp and has a "cutesy," "sugary" sense to it. And "parallel skeins" is also hard ot grasp and, like the former, doesn't lend to the idea of fear. Neither phrase suports the idea of fear. Not sure if I'm off base with what were after but these things distracted me. I love "Begin by breathig in twos." Although I don't know what it means, it has a sene of fear in it, like hyperventilating or something. And it's original and flows well.
Re: Farmhouse, Southern France (storm on arrival) by Ranger	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.116.134	1-Oct-06/3:37 PM
Least favorite line, for me, would have to be 'and lizards leaping like a joyful king." I have no idea why you stuck that in there. After reading all the indecition and comments about this piece, it seems clear you are not done with this, and aren't even sure where you are going, or what you are truly saying here. I am wondering why you didn't stick to the opening theme of you taking her there. Familiar to you, disliked by her. How it is through your eyes, and how it is seen through hers. I think that is where this meant to go...and then it got lost in all the descriptive phrases, along the way. I'll be interested to see where this ends up, in the end.
Re: "Twee" by Ranger	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.116.134	1-Oct-06/4:04 PM
...Then we'll be a couple quite faint. ...Don't expect more than you ain't. LOL... Cute little ditty:)
Re: A Perfectly Normal Man by Dovina	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.116.134	1-Oct-06/4:14 PM
So I take it all the lust you spoke of in the beginning lines, that he is feeling, has been denied? Then how can he respect you as 'a capable lover'...or are you not, with him, but he knows you are?...how?? The ending lines threw me. And this seems like a detatched person commenting...which seemed kinda creepy and manipulative...but that's just my feeling after reading it. Not sure what you meant with it...maybe just that.
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 62.252.32.15	1-Oct-06/4:16 PM
Nice, a swirly sort of rhythm to this. You might want to trim some of the weak (feminine) endings in places, but in others they work. And I'd do away with 'clouds and stars above' - it wants something more inventive there. An enjoyable sensation to this though :-)
Re: Peter by Wakeboarder20	Ranger 62.252.32.15	1-Oct-06/4:20 PM
The stanzas don't really connect with each other. I'm dying to say 'change pawn to prawne', that would at least give a bit of continuity with the sinking and the ship. But seriously, this doesn't really carry much meaning to me. I know you've got something to say, and I guess I can see what you're saying...but it doesn't grab me, in this form. I don't really know what to suggest, other than getting a continuous link throughout the poem.
regarding some deleted poem...	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.116.134	1-Oct-06/4:26 PM
I thought this was pretty good...a little too wordy and long. I think it could do with some condensing. A few typos...Shadows-curtain's tear-as if in nervous?-take it's bow=its and 'too late'. I'm not sure, but I think laid should be lain. I think you could take this and do better with it, with some added clarity and a change in word choice here and there.
regarding some deleted poem...	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.116.134	1-Oct-06/4:32 PM
You paint a good scene here...well not a good scene...but a good portrait of one. I think 'freeze-framed' would work there; and at 'slave-ganged'. The images are palitable, and well-drawn.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 17.255.240.138	1-Oct-06/4:49 PM
A relaxing read, like something I'd like him to read to me by candlelight, two glasses of cabernet already poured.
Re: sick and demented by sk8boardandpoems	Sing4Jesus! 85.210.255.126	1-Oct-06/6:40 PM
God will curse U 4 this!
Re: When I look inside my heart by Engelbert Humpalot	Sing4Jesus! 85.210.255.126	1-Oct-06/6:41 PM
How obscenely nice.
Re: The Mikado's Poetic List by Engelbert Humpalot	Sing4Jesus! 85.210.255.126	1-Oct-06/6:43 PM
You will go 2 Hell in a Bobslay
Re: Fun At The Gynaecologists by Edna Sweetlove	Sing4Jesus! 85.210.255.126	1-Oct-06/6:45 PM
A very nice poem.
Re: On The Gay Beach by Edna Sweetlove	Sing4Jesus! 85.210.255.126	1-Oct-06/6:46 PM
Sinful.
regarding some deleted poem...	Fugazi 172.189.246.92	2-Oct-06/12:16 AM
thank you all for the comments, as always for me these writings are "work in progress", but wanted to see what others thought of them so far. I have to say that I'm from the UK so some of the spellings may be slightly different from US. I feel that a couple of the spellings and syntax you have pointed out are in fact correct.