Re: Street Preacher by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	2-Oct-06/1:37 PM
It felt like prose up until stanza 5, then it morphed into rap, and the last stanza was different again. I don't really know what else to think of this, it didn't do much for me I'm afraid.
regarding some deleted poem...	Fugazi 172.189.246.92	2-Oct-06/2:56 PM
Lol ..thats actually quite funny. British spelling is far better than American, after all it's where the language US speaks came from.
regarding some deleted poem...	pete 195.92.168.164	2-Oct-06/3:14 PM
a pleasure to read...thanx :)
Re: untitled by harryparatestes	pete 195.92.168.164	2-Oct-06/3:28 PM
not that i'm into angels but it would have worked better for me with " angels on every breeze..." ... also "opportunities" .... nit-picking i know but that's what we're here for... nice poem :)
Re: "Twee" by Ranger	pete 195.92.168.164	2-Oct-06/3:35 PM
multilayered bit of fun...is it deep....is it ironic ...surely not cynical... a comment on the human condition or aspiration...i give up... enjoyed reading it though :)
Re: untitled by harryparatestes	Dovina 70.38.78.229	2-Oct-06/3:47 PM
A good start, this. A good concept. Forgotten tears seems to contradict with painful memories. And opportunities should replace the "y's" construct I think. Broken and shattered mean about the same thing. "thers" should be "there's"; "its", "it's".
Re: Wyndham by Aetius	pete 195.92.168.164	2-Oct-06/3:54 PM
works well as a childs poem and i quite liked it; but if you're not here for comments or votes may i enquire why you are here?
Re: Weather Poem part 4: Cleaning Day by nypoet22	Dovina 70.38.78.229	2-Oct-06/4:00 PM
I like this down through "pinched in the eye." Then it loses momentum. Maybe lose "at her direction." And "was mild" is, well, mild. Otherwise good.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 70.38.78.229	2-Oct-06/4:02 PM
Wow. This is long and funky. I'll have to get back to it.
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 62.252.32.15	3-Oct-06/2:13 AM
Surely it should be a 'qwerty' interface? Camden?
Re: Weather Poem part 4: Cleaning Day by nypoet22	Ranger 62.252.32.15	3-Oct-06/2:15 AM
Neat, very astute too. A bit awkward at 'that lemon was loaded' - Led Zeppelin connotations there take it in a different direction to what I think you mean. I doubt many other people will see it in the same way though.
Re: untitled by harryparatestes	harryparatestes 64.136.27.225	3-Oct-06/4:34 AM
im not a poet really i have never even read a real poem i just like to write and i hoped people would enjoy it thanks for your comments!!!
regarding some deleted poem...	creepshow 71.220.60.27	3-Oct-06/10:19 AM
Very nice, especially "Writhing in bloody embraces...stained sheets our lovers shroud..." Very descriptive and dark...how vampiric and lovely.
Re: untitled by harryparatestes	Fugazi 172.189.246.92	3-Oct-06/2:39 PM
Intersting .. A couple of things that contradict, which has been pointed out already. Apart from that I think its pretty darn good. Could be the start (or end) of a longer piece and I'd like to see you expand onthe theme.
Re: Street Preacher by Dovina	nypoet22 65.2.216.112	3-Oct-06/7:38 PM
the heart of this poem is clever and insightful, but i think it needs a lot of work around the edges. the beginning and end read like what someone might teach in a creative writing class, while the middle, even though you're quoting someone else through most of it, feels by its cadence and arrangement like it truly contains your own voice. the last stanza to me seems unnecessary, trying to spell out details of an emotion that could easily be implied simply by reversing the order of "nailed and forgiven." likewise the first stanza weakens the poem, makes it prosaic by introducing the subject in a story format rather than just jumping right in and adding any necessary details of the setting within the body of the text.
Re: I've thought a lot by MacFrantic	Dovina 12.72.43.226	4-Oct-06/9:39 AM
Yes, I'm hearing you! And seeing through a little more shadow toward what I cannot see. To aim at communication in poetry is to aim too low. To think we know what to aim for is the silliness of a child as seen by an adult. Oh, they will tell you you are telling, not showing. Let them rant. This is good!
Re: tomorrow by deano	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/11:13 AM
Fun, and my sort of fun, to boot. Simple, but overall the cadence is right, and the sounds as well. I don't like "why isn't it tomorrow tomorrow"--that doesn't flow right. Hmm. Yeah, could use some tweaking. But I think it's worth it.
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 62.252.32.15	4-Oct-06/3:48 PM
Neurotic psychedelia? Or just utterly spaced out? If you're a free festival kind of chap, you'd love Strangeitude-era Ozric Tentacles.
Re: The Tale Of Marietta And The Hornbag Priest (v.1) by Edna Sweetlove	Sing4Jesus! 85.210.199.173	4-Oct-06/4:25 PM
Fucking amusing bit you will rot for this.
Re: Felice Et Eroticum Est. by Ulterius	Sing4Jesus! 85.210.199.173	4-Oct-06/4:27 PM
Very Erotic and you will burn in Hell 4 it.