Lol ..thats actually quite funny. British spelling is far better than American, after all it's where the language US speaks came from.

a pleasure to read...thanx :)

A good start, this. A good concept. Forgotten tears seems to contradict with painful memories. And opportunities should replace the "y's" construct I think. Broken and shattered mean about the same thing. "thers" should be "there's"; "its", "it's".

Fucking amusing bit you will rot for this.

Very Erotic and you will burn in Hell 4 it.

Surely it should be a 'qwerty' interface? Camden?

Neat, very astute too. A bit awkward at 'that lemon was loaded' - Led Zeppelin connotations there take it in a different direction to what I think you mean. I doubt many other people will see it in the same way though.

It felt like prose up until stanza 5, then it morphed into rap, and the last stanza was different again. I don't really know what else to think of this, it didn't do much for me I'm afraid.

not that i'm into angels but it would have worked better for me with " angels on every breeze..." ... also "opportunities" .... nit-picking i know but that's what we're here for... nice poem :)

multilayered bit of fun...is it deep....is it ironic ...surely not cynical... a comment on the human condition or aspiration...i give up... enjoyed reading it though :)

im not a poet really i have never even read a real poem i just like to write and i hoped people would enjoy it thanks for your comments!!!

I like this down through "pinched in the eye." Then it loses momentum. Maybe lose "at her direction." And "was mild" is, well, mild. Otherwise good.

Very nice, especially "Writhing in bloody embraces...stained sheets our lovers shroud..." Very descriptive and dark...how vampiric and lovely.

works well as a childs poem and i quite liked it; but if you're not here for comments or votes may i enquire why you are here?

Wow. This is long and funky. I'll have to get back to it.

Intersting .. A couple of things that contradict, which has been pointed out already. Apart from that I think its pretty darn good. Could be the start (or end) of a longer piece and I'd like to see you expand onthe theme.

the heart of this poem is clever and insightful, but i think it needs a lot of work around the edges. the beginning and end read like what someone might teach in a creative writing class, while the middle, even though you're quoting someone else through most of it, feels by its cadence and arrangement like it truly contains your own voice. the last stanza to me seems unnecessary, trying to spell out details of an emotion that could easily be implied simply by reversing the order of "nailed and forgiven." likewise the first stanza weakens the poem, makes it prosaic by introducing the subject in a story format rather than just jumping right in and adding any necessary details of the setting within the body of the text.

Yes, I'm hearing you! And seeing through a little more shadow toward what I cannot see. To aim at communication in poetry is to aim too low. To think we know what to aim for is the silliness of a child as seen by an adult. Oh, they will tell you you are telling, not showing. Let them rant. This is good!

Fun, and my sort of fun, to boot. Simple, but overall the cadence is right, and the sounds as well. I don't like "why isn't it tomorrow tomorrow"--that doesn't flow right. Hmm. Yeah, could use some tweaking. But I think it's worth it.

Neurotic psychedelia? Or just utterly spaced out? If you're a free festival kind of chap, you'd love Strangeitude-era Ozric Tentacles.