cheese.doodles
on All Meta-Verse Shall be Deleted, it is Poison by middenHeap
8 Apr 2007, 8:56 AM
Hmm, I really like your title.
Poetry isn't just an excuse for you to tell the world about your disgusting and warped sex life. There's a name for that kind of thing, and it isn't Art. It's Smut.
I suppose you think you're pretty big and clever for spelling your name the scotch way... well I've got news for you: nobody cares. This is a POETRY site for RANKING POEMS. Whether or not you put extra 'i's in your name is neither here nor there.
monstrocity...
monsters ..it's a good choice of title
Boo hoo. This is a pimple poem. If you read your poetry to others, no wonder you have no friends.
I get the feeling I've read this someplace before; I realize it's because it's the most un-original poem of all time.
I found myself alone in skies
Where the insanity blinds eyes
When I am a king of misjudgments
There is nowhere to hide my jealousy
Iâm drowning in doubts of âwhysâ
As Iâm lost within frustrations
Iâm dying from this agony
To stage of the powerful play
The playâs a tragedy of dreams
Everyone is everyone. You could post under everyone but you are not in our club.:(
Tasting flavourless is an oxymoron.
"because I am free they have won and so I"...? Am I being a dunce here?
Other than that, ace.
How does a drum play? And what does it matter what day Easter and Christmas are on? Some provocative unintelligible lines here.
This is good. Your next challenge is to write a sequel including the words 'bunnies', 'sunshine' and 'April'. I know you can.
Speak to that squirrel on your windowsill if you will, or go tip-tapping with me on that birch. I am most surprised, however, to see a gentleman in a tatty coat.
Oh, poor you, whiny baby. Look, this poem is rambly and boring with no metaphor, poor rythm and I think you break the sympathetic contract in your first two lines. Remember to show, don't tell.
The title is a bit cliche, and the endnote shows us nothing new. Allusions are good, but not carried through, not built upon. The old English is out-of-place when not used throughout.
Good haiku, especially the first image - paper and words as crumbling bone works extremely well.
You should make a habit of devoting haiku to poemeranker users, they've been excellent fun so far ;)
The cracks and crisscrossing and other initial images made me think you were actually going to describe the tarmac of the street as a metaphor for all this. As it is, it's alright but has been done a lot before.
The rhyme of 'pain' with 'Sylvain' forces me to assume that you mean the Arctic trip guaranteed very little French-made bread. This is a terrible situation to be in at any time of the month and I send my most heartfelt sympathies to all such sufferers.