The_Third_Isis
on A "sirius"makeover by The_Third_Isis
22 Nov 2003, 4:38 PM
I agree, I try to do this on my own.But editing from you is a plus love.Entonces
Posted because? Felt like it.
Does it go with red or white wine(death) just inviting myself to dinner.I like it in a twisted way.Just a way to enter your realm..wine and a toothpick.
That MONA LISA will get you everytime!
The dog and the girl click theyre heel's and wake up at home.I as usual wind up looking for a heart... and get the lion's claw but only the claw..Everytime I book a flight to the promised land I get scattered I should join them on the pole, as I see the reflection of flyng monkeys on the tin mans armour I ponder on tommorows meeting with the witch. I love this one!
Joe black.
You are a confusion. you will probably think of this as a compliment. Think what ever you want, I'm done.
Interesting form.. quite like it really. Blessed with 9.
gods castle? I prefer my own mental temple. Nice poem- got war on your mind? Blessed with eight.
someone who deserves the top my friend 10
looks like your family has a potent poet gene. Overall, blessed with eight.
I enjoyed this. Especially the "I felt worse" I like the way you think!!
Like a car: built to breakdown.
Blessed with eight.
this damn thing again!
I'm trying to develop techniques to be better edit my work.
The last version read like this:
Like a bridge the wind
blows across the current
waters ripple; lines of a frown.
And delicate as a vein
pencil thin drawn on
the banks weathered jaw.
A line where the river
had risen, had fallen
high to low like an anchor.
Where we sat together,
and knew winter would drown.
first line, ending it at winds threw me off.
perhaps:
"Near-winter and winds grasp"
would flow smoother- better start the poem? or im just crazy, heh.
heres an 8.
refresh my memory.. how many times have you mutated this piece? just wondering.
Like the unusual phrasing of lines 3,4.