<{Baba^Yaga}>
on some deleted poem
2 Dec 2003, 11:25 PM
Not bad at all.
yay for little secret dirties!Ë
Like a piece of cheese cake passing itself off as a whoopie cushion scratch n sniff. But I'll give you a six for making great use of a dictionary, and "Pulminary consciousness" lol. 6
That, and blue toilet water.
I've made better homemade porn than Paris. Wanna see?â
A wonderful projection on an absent canvas.
I am alone. But, with cable. I am gay, but unhappy.
I am a fire hose at an igloos cremation. I am a turnip.
I'm sorry for your loss. This was a really touching poem.
Ok, I was able to get over that tiny speed bump of a title you've crafted here.....but the first line of the "poem"...I did not have a tank powerful enough to get over that major bump in the road. "Shattered fragments of muted speech" ????? It seems that you are attempting to be profound but it just doesn't work. Words with no meaning and...well...fragments of muted speech.....yes that aptly describes what it is!! Perhaps I am mistaken and you really are a misunderstood genius....whose to say? Keep on keepin on.
some very good words here - but so many - so many that they could work together well, I think.
I have a test I use when I fear that I may sound too pretentious (whenever many large words appear you run that risk): scramble some of the sentences, or swap them from one stanza to the next and see if your meaning remains - if it does - then you prolly don't have any.
You may find, however, that the sentences stand individually, or - that the syntactical codification remains consistent; in that grammatical eventuality one might dispense with structural, or concrete limitations...
I wonder how this would do as one solid block of text?
btw - it certainly makes as much, or as little sense as many other poems do with consistently smaller/easier words.
I do not mean that as a crit - because I can derive meaning from this one.
"Death is the maker of the mask that veils the sickness of addiction. Sorrow and suffering are but a mild comfort to the junkie. Whence the pain has come is evident to everyone but that single lost soul, until he wills himself to break free and is forever made stronger by the journey."
LOLTTM! um death is the maker of blee. when you find addiction is a g string taco in an industrial crack pipe then suck your boobie empty and start at go!?
YOU ARE AN IDIOT! As soon as you embrace that fact you'll be able to unglue that penis off of your chin and put it back on your forehead.
Yep.
Classy.
Simply the best.
Christ.
This is why you'll go to heaven and hell. 11!
boobies are for boobs.
The last resort to resort towns.