outstanding work here.

Spot on. and hilarious.

of course? off course? When I tie in the title , it works. I think you can shuffle the 3rd stanza and lose the ( of course). Beautiful. as if I had expected less.

I didn't see the first draft so.... I think you can drop st 1 and 3 and it'll flu just fine. 1 and 3 sound rather narrative and out of place.

Unexpectedly? Unexpectantly?

i would have to disagree with the whole thing, God gives you the strength to overcome any cross He gives us, He will never give us something we cannot handle. all we have to do is ask for help. no vote

make sure you weep with a condom on!

I don't act important.. I just act like an asshole with a pen 'n too much time on my hands. Oh and did I mention that I love to write? NO REALLY. SOON I'LL PUBLISH MY BEATNIK & METH ANTHOLOGY (first step in conquering the planet, next step is spiking the water supply with lsd, convincing everyone im Jesus and that their head is actually an orange.) Anyway, heres a seven.

Earlier today I gave this poem a ten; reading it again, its still ten BUT since I'm an opinionated asshole, I have some suggestions: "searing molten steel whip" three adjectives make the flow buckle.. how about cutting out "searing" since we know its molten? "Hold fast your shape, as he wields the" Ending the line at "the" also causes the flow to stumble.. how bout "Hold fast your shape as he wields the work-blows," making the next line "and reply with the ever affirming clank" and the last line of S1 "as you have done since your casting." Thats all.

I wanna one day project a veil of mass confusion on society...... with my work... in its infantcy of meshing now.. heh.

the bashing of religion on this site just amazes me... first of all - it is not God who causes children to be molested, young people to die or any other evil that goes on in this world - man allows his faith to be so weak that evil seeps in and takes control. You wonder where God was - He was holding your ungrateful, weak, faithless ass up, not allowing evil to take that final step of control.

someone gives me a two and doesn't tell me where I went wrong? *sigh* then how can I improve my work!?

thats funny!!!! i love it!! it's so crazy it might work!!!

Thats ummm interesting i give it a 10!!!!

i liked it but you brought to much attention to how bad it was!

ummm ok???

ok it needs working

That's ummmm tmi!!!

more than one word

TO fair12 (comment indentation has malfunctioned) What's amazing is that you believe a magical super-being swooped down to planet Earth and took on humanoid form. You also believe that this pseudo-earthling was the SON of god AND was god at the same time, you also believe He had various special moves like the ability to walk on water, the ability to make small quantities of bread and fish become large quantities of bread and fish, and some other completely arbitrary and indiscriminate powers - like the ability to heal certain random cripples he happened to bump into (but not the ones He didn't bump into because they were naughty) and the ability to bring someone back from the dead even though that person would have been in Heaven or Hell at the time, and if they were in Hell then their eternal damnation wouldn't have been very eternal, and if they were in Heaven, why would they want to be brought back to life anyway? You also believe that despite the fact that this humanoid was supposedly omniclever, He still prayed to God (aka Himself), to beg for an alternative to crucifixion, even though anyone who was omniclever would already know the answer to such a prayer, and anyway, why pray to yourself? Your comment doesn't address the issues put forward in this poeme in anywhere near a satisfactory way. The way I see it, the poeme is trying to say that if there truly is a benevolent Jesu - as the Bible claims - then He probably wouldn't condone child molestation on an unreasonable scale. However, child molestation exists, and given that Jesu (if He existed) would have the power to stop it, why doesn't He stop it? And why does He manufacture child molesters in His secret laboratory in the first place? And don't say "free will" because it is perfectly possible to have a world without child molestation that still has free will. Do you molest children? Do you have free will? If God is willing to intervene in order to hold this particular victim's "faithless ass up, not allowing evil to take that final step of control", then why isn't He willing to go all the way and magically generate a force field around the child's buttocks that wards off molestation completely? Hmm? What is also amazing is that there is a staggeringly simple answer to all these problems: The Bible is a complete load of balls. Thanks.