Thanks for the great response, all - very much appreciated. Big thanks, GW for the specifics.

the first line is cool bitter-sweet decay and thorn crown are way over used and do not help you here eyes plasticated is brilliant sadly, like others have said i have no clue what you are trying to say

heartfelt & sweet......

i tried to leave a comment before but it gave me an error basically, i think you are telling way too much you need to show us more give an incident before and after the breakup to illustrate your pain hint at your want for him to hurt as much as you do let the reader infer that even though you hurt so much you secretly want him to come back to you

Your poem a tomb Your life my strife Please stop this slop

....felt that once...makes me recall bootcamp #*&$%+! Luckily I can laugh about it now....E

but where's the seasonal reference? :P it's cute, esp. with the title

glad some of us live life to the fullest....paints a great time for me

glad some of us live life to the fullest....paints a great time for me

made me crack a smile I must admit

i don't think you need "(the anti-moth)" it doesn't fit well with the rest of the poem and i think most people can figure out what you mean anyway the metaphor is very consistent and you pull it off well

nice "FU" one note, "Its" instead of "It's"

good job. I can empathize.

wow it worked

Okay, I appreciate the situation you're in. Let me try to give you a suggestion without freaking you out. I get the feeling you're trying to write poetry that sounds like poetry. Do you understand what I'm saying? You might feel like it won't be poetry unless it's... well, poetic. Unless it uses a kind of diction and phrasing that is like what you imagine is in other poetry. This is bad. I'm not saying you should write stuff that looks like mine (which is really mostly bad prose with some clever slant rhymes,) but you should approach poetry writing with the idea that if you've ever ever EVER EVER EVER EVER heard a phrase used before, then you should never ever use it. Understand? Poetry is the truest form for expressing things originally, and the thing that kills it (see crystal swift and others here) is when your reader thinks you're not being original. Other people here will say it's a bad idea to read other poetry. I say go ahead, so you'll get an idea of what NOT to say - what's already been said. If you don't know what I'm talking about, start with your first line. Have you ever heard someone say that before? Yes, of course. So think of a new way to say it. And go on from there, line by line. Step two: line breaks (ie, where you hit ENTER) in poetry aren't just for the end of phrases (which is what you have here.) Okay, they can be. But they're not usually. Change it up so some of your thoughts end in the middle of lines, so some thoughts are broken into little parts, each of which (as you get better) has a chance for having its own meaning. Step three: PUNCTUATE. To most readers a line break isn't going to mean a period. In idea of enjambment means that it's traditional now to read through a break onto the next line (ie, 'take you from me my heart was made, etc.) Put in periods, commas, like you're writing prose. And say 'because' instead of 'cuz'. Is that enough for a start?

I don't get 'used to bed miss'.

Once again, I'm the punctuation and line-break hound. I don't relish this.

It's good. Could probably stand to be shortened in some places, or poetried up. I couldn't begin to say where right now (2 am here) but I'll give it a look tomorrow.

James, I trust you saw my reply at http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=80284 My source (whose name shall not be revealed) has informed me as follows. 1. You got a First in the first year and a First in the second year but - to the disappointment of absolutely everyone - a 2:1 at the end of your degree. Well done! 2. You "read" Computer Science. Again, well done! 3. A significant number of girls in your year "fancied" you because they saw you as being "the strong, silent type". Well done! 4. You were splendidly rude to my source, whom you so pointedly ignored, even though you lived on the same staircase as him for a year. My source discloses that you would turn your back on him when he entered the communal kitchen and ignore him completely when he attempted to say hello. Well done! Ha ha! I love this game! I am THE WORLD'S BEST DETECTIVE. A cable television channel should be dedicated to broadcasting unflattering images of my swollen face TWENTY FOUR HOURS A DAY. But I am slightly upset that you have failed so miserably to discover even the slightest piece of knowledge about me. You haven't even been able to discover my real name. Perhaps I managed to throw you off the scent with an amusing instance of "identity theft". Could do better if tried harder. -10-

pathetic but adorable :)