zodiac
on Are You O.K.? by sonawrote
27 Jan 2004, 5:34 PM
This is a mess. Is your .-button stuck? Are you ok? Do you know what consumption is?
Good bleach-era Nirvana lyrics. I always thought that album was underrecognized.
wow, just wow
i feel like a humble ass clown in comparison
my one teeny tiny note would be that i enjoyed the breaks that spanned the stanzas
and wished that all the stanzas did that
going back and forth was only slightly jarring
i think in general though, your breaks are great
and really adds to the feel
need to work on your iambic pentameter a bit
also, it doesn't really speak to me, but i think that's just because i don't care much for this particular mythology
not quite a sonnet - must be 14 lines
also, needs iambic pentameter
the repetition is forced and elementary
however, you do make a nice turn at the end
you kept true to the form, good job
i think "tor'trous" is a cop out though, you can come up with a better word that fits the meter restriction
also, you heroic couplet doesn't feel like enough of a turn, but it works overall
i would suggest adding punctuation and also enjambing more of your lines
most excellent
i think "missiles" does not fit
but that's the only thing i can find fault with
"An Audrey Hepburn with a Viking gene" is SUCH an inspired line, i love it
Was the spelling of field really intentional? I agree with god'swife, the last line -- content of which is superb, no complaints there -- should be tidied up. If not by deleting the extra then, at least break it differently.
"You are taking up my Oxygen, Nitrogen,
Argon, you are taking up my arrogance." is great.
The rest is (for you) mediocre.
I could tell you were a woman. Dickens could tell George Eliot was immediately, too, or so the anecdote goes. Are the leaves from O.Henry?
you delightful little gothic child you.
minus 8 for not being a haiku. Minus another 1 for not being very poetic or making any sense.
Mon dieu! >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
"sleepy, safe and warm" could be different.
Once again, you crack me up. If only you were doing it on purpose.
I hate chicks like that
Very Very Interesting :)
Man, your poetry is so awesome, i just wish i could steal it, but that would be...stealing and thats bad, so i'll just worship it from here
Cute....very cute
Sorry, but I can't criticize this, i think it's really good
i really like this one you sound very sincere