This is good. 8

They'll be quaking in their boots when thay read this. Powerful stuff! -10-

'within' is one word, as is 'cannot'. You also spelt 'bleakness' incorrectly. In general, the piece is awkward and unpleasantly written. I mean look at this line, for instance: 'The rest is fake my soul is broken.' What you've done there is squashed two stupid sentences into one, extra stupid, non-sentence. You need something to separate the two. Either a semi-colon, i.e 'The rest is fake; my soul is broken!', or just have them as separate sentences. I suspect that had you just written down what you were trying to say, without trying make it into a poeme, you probably would have ended up with something far more coherent. What you have instead is a mess with arbitrary linebreaks. Good effort though! -10-

i really enjoyed how you describe around the topic beating around the bush with artistry : )

This is, without a doubt, the filthiest thing I've read on these pages. [Thinly] veiled poetic allusions to oral, anal (etc.) sex, golden (etc.) showers, flesh "decorating" including cutting - kindof scary, really. And given the level of craftmanship - it's not realy poetry is it - it's a shopping list, or at best "what I did on my summer vacation". disgusting.

i punctuated, and capitalized my I's...is the grammar any better???

This is twice as good as the tripe CLS just spewed -

grammar feedback: Line 1: "were" should be "where" Line 4: "to" should be "too" Line 7: "wim" should be "whim"

"carrion refuse" and "burning youth" feel too cliche i enjoyed the last one the most but "o'er" feels clumsy when read aloud i thought "FL" was an interesting rhyme but threw me off a little as well

Those little fuckers.

Up until the end you almost had me fooled, but the last two lines give you away as a fraud.

100% with goad on this one, sadism is not about hate. When you make a simple mistake like this it annoys the reader.

It reads quite well, but falls into so many traps. Cliches - glimmer like glass faeries/fall like rain Scientific words - fluvial (why not river?) staple poetic words - forlorn.

Same as everyone else really -- tell me more about this crime, just don't leave it abstract or I will start to believe it does not exist (even in the imagination).

NICE twist.

Funny! I like the humor in this one.

A bit cliched, but promising.

wow this is great...i could almost feel your poem breath into me...a new beginning with a vengeance or maybe a better self worth.

you're great in haikus, your work really worth a contemplation. short but speaks a thousand meanings.

"long lush fronds" take us right out of the desert. The contrast doesn't make sense.